Why is sex considered wrong and dirty

Sex halal: "You can be pure as snow and still dirty in bed"

When a newly wed friend became sadder and sadder after their wedding, Umm Muladhat, who works as a psychologist, asked what was going on. Her sex wouldn't work, the friend explained. Six months actually happily married and still no orgasm. Upon closer examination, Muladhat realized that while her friend knew how sex was biologically, she had no idea what her husband or herself liked. Muladhat then wrote down all of her thoughts and experiences from her sex life. The PDF quickly spread among many Muslim women via email until it finally became a book.

Muladhat created a lot of dust and broke taboos with it, all in a few pages. The titleTheMuslimah Sex Manual: A Halal Guide to Mind Blowing Sex may sound grandiose - like many other headlines in women's magazines - but Umm Muladhat is a Muslim himself and writes for a target group in which sex has only rarely been discussed in public, let alone that a woman writes instructions for more pleasure during sex.

You can be pure as snow and still dirty in bed.

Umm Muladhat

Umm Muladhat says opposite Huffington Post: “I think the biggest misconception people have about Muslim women is that they are afraid of sex or that they are too humble to think about it. Muslim women are like all other women. "

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The author published her sex manual under a pseudonym because she doesn't want to be the Muslim sex aunt forever, as she herself says. In the book she only reveals that she is a US-born psychologist and that the majority of her book is based on her own experiences. In addition, she explains her anonymity by stating that critics would have to deal more intensely with the content of her book and could not simply project their hatred onto her person.

From kissing to BDSM

The essence of the book are the descriptions of different positions and techniques. But the book is not only about sex, but also about sexting, dirty talk, kissing, BDSM, contraception and hygiene. Muladhat gives many practical tips, such as concrete examples of sexting or how women should take and send nude pictures of themselves without endangering themselves.

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The author also has specific instructions for stripping or deep throat. She repeatedly emphasizes that experimentation in bed and belief in Allah are not mutually exclusive: “You can be as clean as snow and still be dirty in bed,” she writes at one point in the manual. "Many younger Muslims think that the practicing, hijab or niqab-wearing sisters have a boring sex life and never venture outside of vanilla in bed."

I think the biggest misconception people have about Muslim women is that they are afraid of sex or that they are too humble to think about it.

Umm Muladhat

Since its publication this summer, your publisher has received a lot of humiliating and disgusting news. But there are also positive voices. Muslim women's organizations praise them and emphasize that such education could empower Muslim women and protect them from sexually abusive relationships.

Shaista Gohir, Chairperson of the Muslim Women’s Network UK, which is also theMuslim Women’s Helpline directs, says opposite that Guardian: “I'm totally in favor of all women talking about sex. Why shouldn't they? ”But she also explains that in practice it is still mostly about the pleasure of men:“ We have many cases where women report unwanted sexual acts and rape, or about how a play Meat to be treated. ”Gohir hears again and again from husbands who would not even try to do anything for the orgasm of their wife. "I'm afraid the problem is much bigger because most would be too embarrassed to talk about it."

Not everything about sex is halal

But anyone who thinks that everything is allowed in the bed of Muslim couples is wrong. There are also prohibitions, i.e. things in bed that are considered haram. These include threesomes, porn, anal sex, and intercourse on your period. It becomes particularly absurd when the sexual relationship between a man and several women is discussed in the book. Because even in this constellation, third-party sex is prohibited. Because the women have made an alliance with their husbands, but not with the other women, as the author explains.

As liberal and important as this book may seem, it still has too little to do with the sexual emancipation of women. After all, all of the content revolves around how women can satisfy their man and drive him crazy. There is no doubt that this book broke a taboo and will help many women. But there is still a bitter aftertaste: that a fulfilling love life revolves around making your husband happy.

For example, the book discusses intensively how you can pamper your husband with blow jobs and hand jobs, but how he can give it back to his wife and bring her to the climax is not explained. You also wait in vain for chapters that deal with masturbation and sexual emancipation and make it clear that a man does not necessarily need a man for a fulfilled orgasm.

“I've received dozens of emails from men asking me if I had any plans to write a companion book to teach them how to please their wives in bed. I have taken this into account and plan to write a follow-up if this book is successful, ”explains the author. So her next book could finally be more about female pleasure. Hopefully the Muslim men will read the new book as diligently as their wives.

In the series “Sex at the Desk”, our author writes regularly about sex in everyday life. Sometimes about their own, mostly about other people's bed stories. Do you have experiences, ideas or suggestions? Then you like to write an email.