What's your best fake band name

The shitty band names (that are needlessly shitty)

Shitty band names have a long tradition. This is not surprising, after all, you can only really do everything wrong if you, as a passionate musician, have to name your project. An artist's name has to please everyone on so many levels, you actually can't win. It gets worse, of course, when a few selfish guys have to choose a name together as a band and then, even worse, talk about it all the time in interviews.

But that's all right, because these kind of shitty band names are understandable and you can only really feel sorry for those who once had to make such a decision. I respect shitty band names for their shitty nature, but now band names have gotten terrible not just because of the meaning of their name, but for a much simpler reason: letters or characters. The shitty band names have reached a whole new dimension, which is neither comprehensible nor justifiable in any way, as the artists orientate themselves on the alphabet soups of their children or the scrabble game of their grandparents and string together completely confused characters.

Many bands obviously choose their band names according to criteria such as “How can I best confuse my fans?” “Which name can I piss everyone off with from the first second?” Or “How can I deal with my shitty band name distract from my shitty music? ”. But not only bad bands think they have to let off steam with the technological novelty - the computer keyboard - and beat each other with completely crazy letter combinations that are NOT WORDS. Even good bands have long since started to give themselves unnecessarily shitty band names.

To get a better overview, we have categorized the crap of these alphabet soups and sorted the nerve factor in ascending order.

A popular phenomenon, especially widespread in the electro and dubstep scene, are stage names that consist exclusively of consonants, so that no one whose mother tongue is not Russian could pronounce them. That we have now got used to it and can provide transfer payments, like CHPLN than to read Chaplin or SBTRKT as a subtract, doesn't make this trend any better. Do you remember the first time you read one of these names? In the beginning you didn't dare to recommend these artists to others because you didn't want to embarrass yourself with the pronunciation. And that's really not something an artist can ask for. In addition, there are still band names for which it is simply not obvious which vowels are now missing (see PVT or HRRSN). Sure, there are only five vowels, but if these bands can do a little math, they know that even with only three missing vowels, the possibilities are already in the three-digit range. Nobody cares about your name for so long, then the next band will be recommended, namely the one with the vowels.

Large and lower case

"Hm, our band name is somehow a little meaningless." - "Well, let's capitalize it then!" - "Yes, great idea!"

No, that's not a great idea. Firstly, everything written in CAPS LOCK looks choleric and dramatic, secondly, digital natives think on principle that they will be yelled at if they read something in capital letters (for example, we want to yell at you every time we write in capital letters, but why would a band WANT this?!?), and thirdly, your music and your band won't become more significant just because they are capitalized. Besides that, it looks like hell if a few choleric letters appear on every other line of a text about a band, which is why most people just ignore your spelling. Likewise, it doesn't make sense to write the first letter in lower case. Shitting on spelling and grammar isn't creative, that's stupid, just stupid.

And what the hell is this supposed to mean: TUNE-YARDS?

An obvious solution, if you want to say too much with your artist name, is to simply abbreviate the message and form another meaningful word with large letters and dots in between (attention, now comes the kicker!). As Nerd. or M.i.a. In all honesty, I don't really care what the abbreviations are supposed to mean. It is only worse when the abbreviations do not even mean something and the dots are only intended to simulate an abbreviation and perhaps a deeper message. So you might be included in the Illuminati theory article and can come up with something funny in every interview if the journalists ask the same questions again. Totally funny. Did you hear, TheD.O.T.?

In addition, you can be sure that all the letters are capitalized, since most journalists - like Word - cannot physically defend themselves against capitalization after the dot has been set. A smart move.

We come to the artists who actually orientated themselves on a bag of sorted out letter cookies or on the notebook entry from biology class. This species alternately lines up the same letters, most likely because they find the geometric shape so beautiful or because it's trending, and then thinks of some simple-minded reason for this absolutely shitty name choice. They cannot even use different letters, but use the same letters over and over again, so that there are now well-known (and good) artists with the names XXYYXX, XXXY, XYZ, xxx or The XX gives. How you should look through there, especially when you consider that these are only the few (somewhat) successful ones that we know by now, they probably don't know themselves either. They could have named themselves according to the binary code system or like this young gentleman who doesn't just rely on upper and lower case, but also on a single letter: oOoOO. By the way, the project used to be called xXxXX, which I do not want to comment on here. Instead I would like to rate the creativity and enthusiasm in this group like this: zZzzZzzz. (Sorry, I just couldn't find any more letters.)

Band names with punctuation marks

The other possibility besides the capital letters to give your band some meaning and something majestic in advance is to write punctuation marks, more precisely exclamation marks, after the band name. Such as Letlive., Lo! or The! The! The!which are probably all written in capital letters, small letters, or both at the same time. If these artists suffer from an obsessive-compulsive disorder of delivering everything grammatically correct, I would recommend that they work on the free Duden hotline. If not, I'm quite sure that Tyler, the Creator, Why?, Phon.o and the like just have too good a life and need a reason to get upset about anyone who has forgotten the hyphen, the question mark, the comma and whatever for nothing or has put it in the wrong places. I hope you can get even more upset about people who get upset about such band names, because then you will go to bed very happy after reading this article.

Punctuation marks instead of letters

The question that has been asked for a long time and that your google-savvy brain must have raised is: How the hell am I supposed to find such bands on the Internet, on Spotify or, let's go back a long way, in music retailers? Google isn't into punctuation. Because Google dislikes you. Because you have such shitty band names. As soon as a band has achieved a certain level of notoriety, this problem is of course superfluous, but before that you won't find a sack. Good examples of bands with crappy punctuation marks who made it anyway because they make good music Sunn O))) and !!!. In case you don't know the latter: The alternative spelling is Chk, Chk, Chk, which makes you a few points on the shitty scale because they are actually almost words (congratulations!), But the vowels are still missing. As a matter of principle, they should only be called “Chak Chak Chak”, “Chuko, Chuko, Chuko” or “Exclamation mark, exclamation mark, exclamation mark”.

In addition, there are probably hundreds of bands that have triangles hidden in their band name, but unfortunately I can't google them. Because Google hates you too, and rightly so!

We don't care about umlauts, after all, they are on our keyboard, and of course we can't get upset about the doctors using umlauts, after all, we also use umlauts. Nordic bands with ø, ú, ê or similar are also approved because they respect language, words and grammar, in contrast to most of the other candidates here. But we can also empathize with other nations for whom it certainly makes absolutely no sense to have an Australian newcomer band Rüfüs is called. Can you imagine how confused English speaking and typing colleagues must be with pronunciation, sense and spelling? And no, they're not even a metal band.

Oh, hip hop. Just like the Metals have their umlauts and †, and the electronics have their X, Y and missing vowels, so you have your dollar signs. Incidentally, that does not mean that everything is okay. Just because there is a trend in genres can still be condemned as annoying. For example, we condemn it as annoying because it looks stupid and requires too much keyboard effort. Did you hear, A $ ap and Co $? Or Ty "Muthafuckin" Dolla $ ign? It gets worse when pop stars like Ke $ ha Make use of it. Are we supposed to be led to believe that she is a gangsta? Is that irony? Speaking of which, ironic use of stupid signs is no better than serious use.

Either someone wanted to trick Google here or the letter swap is the newer “That sounds a bit boring” variant after the pointless capitalization. Of course, it is particularly popular to replace the u with the v, as in, for example Chvrches or Trvls. What have we racked our brains about how to pronounce these names now so that every time we talk about them, we have to say: Yes, exactly, Chvrches but with a v instead of the u. Normally we ignore such bands, but as I said, this stupid spelling is slowly getting so out of hand that such categorical ignorance no longer works. Dear BAND (z) z !, do us all a favor and simply orient yourself on the poster with the alphabet that used to hang in your children's room and form real words. There is enough.


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