How mean is your stepmother

My stepmother is breaking me!

hi Guys
I've only been registered here in the forum since today and don't know my way around ... but I'll try to tell my story, this is my last resort, otherwise I really have to see a psychologist or something.

When I was 6 years old (my brother was 5) my parents got divorced. My mother then met a new man (German, we are Persians) and moved into a beautiful house with him. Although not everything was perfect, it was a good time that I look back fondly. At first my brother and I saw my father every second weekend, but then he moved to Vienna to live with his new wife, who brought a 2 year old son into the family. I didn't see my papa for 6 years and had no contact with him. Times changed drastically when my mother got breast cancer. She overcame the disease, but the cancer kept coming back .. I was 11/12/13 years old at the time. On August 19, 2006 she died in the hospital, I was 13, it was 3 weeks before my 14th birthday. My brother and I were not allowed to stay with my stepfather, my father was called and immediately came to Germany from Vienna to fetch us. We then moved to Vienna to live with him and his wife and child (8 years old at the time). At first everything was normal, but unfortunately things changed again. I only wore black back then, I didn't know how to express my grief in any other way, I couldn't cry because I hadn't understood it for years .. My stepmother forbade me to wear black and began to get really weird. She and my father argued very often about me and my brother and my stepmother also kicked us out twice. I've been living here for about 5 years now and I have to say things have gotten a lot worse. My stepmother always throws the worst things at me and my brother, like that she hates us and is happy when we are finally gone, we have destroyed her life, when we are gone she never wants to see us again, etc. I have often talked to her that I don't like it and that I get sad when she says something like that, she has never apologized to me. You must know that my stepmother is a wheelchair user and, I believe, has many inferiority complexes. She's afraid that my dad will leave her when my brother and I are out of the house for the first time, I'm 18 now and my brother 17 .. At the moment my grandparents (her parents) live with us in the mini-apartment because my grandpa is also at home Suffering from cancer and there are better doctors and medicines here than in Iran.

I'm not fine at all. I have headaches, nausea, insomnia and indigestion every day. It's all psychosomatic. In addition, I only weigh 44kg, I am 1.53 tall. That is actually normal, but my stepmother (nice as she is) insults me every time that I am bullimy and anorexic and this and that. Almost every day she insults me in a different way, so that I really lie in bed every night and crying ... If I am with my boyfriend and then sometime have to go home, the closer I get to home, I always get sick, even if I come from school! My stepmother should be ashamed that she has brought it so far that I don't want to go home anymore.

Your "problem" with us is that we never help out in the house. At the a **** .. my brother and I don't dare to help each other because otherwise she will have an argument with my dear papa again.

But she loves her son (12 years old) more than anything and really does everything for him, brings him food to the laptop, where he plays some game every day, the son is just like her, we don't have a good relationship with him, he is much younger than us but very, very disrespectful, has already insulted me as a whore and a whore.

I really don't know what to do, I want to just go away and never come back .. my stepmother wouldn't care anyway, I know it anyway .. in spite of everything I don't hate her, I don't know why. But it still goes so far that I always think to myself what it would be like to jump in front of a subway or a car, I don't know ... Please help me, I've been living like this for years now and just can't be who I am only 18 and actually a very peaceful person who just wants to live.

Thanks in advance and sorry for this long text ..!