Ashley Madison would work in Singapore

Affair portal is booming | Japan is totally wild
on infidelities

In no other country in the world has the affair agency "Ashley Madison" recorded such a rapid increase in membership as in Japan.

The company, which was founded twelve years ago in Canada and is now pairing married people for affairs in 37 countries, only opened its Japanese website eight months ago.

In this short time, more than a million users have registered!

Even in Brazil, which is considered sexually permissive, the million mark was not reached so quickly.

At first glance, Japan is a country where infidelities seem atypical. A lot of emphasis is placed on etiquette and courtesy. Above all, discipline is high on the Japanese values. The divorce rate is low, with only two in 1,000 couples getting divorced.

But Japan is also the country where the concept of the geisha was invented. A tradition that was mainly used for the pleasure of Japanese men.

“Ashley Madison” advertises with the slogan: “Life is short. Treat yourself to an affair. ”That seems to have hit Japan.

This does not surprise the writer and consultant Nobuyuki Hayashi. In particular, the typical office workers with their long working weeks want to meet quickly and easily, and the dating portal, which is optimized for mobile phones, is simply very convenient.

“If you succeed in America, you might buy a plane. Here the men tend to go to a caba club and waste their money there, ”he says. Caba clubs are the glamorous bars in major Japanese cities that also offer sexual services.

There has been an affair tradition in Japan for a long time.

Those who know their way around have no problems finding hourly hotels. Also, not all massage parlors are exclusively used for treatment by medical lifeguards.

Ashley Madison recently commissioned a study that asked 3,500 users why they joined.

55 percent of the registered women and 51 percent of the men gave the answer: “Not enough sex”. Only two percent of Japanese women and eight percent of men said they had a guilty conscience when they were talking to someone.

Globally, 20 percent felt guilty.

The fact that there are hardly any Judeo-Christian or Islamic traditions in Japan makes marriage there more of a practical alliance of convenience without being elevated to a sacred good by any religion.

The art of seduction has always been part of the Japanese cultural heritage. Divorces are often ugly and expensive, so the Japanese prefer to stay married and find fun outside of marriage.

"People want to have affairs precisely because they want to hold onto their marriage," explains Noel Biderman of "Ashley Madison" the apparent paradox.

The results of the survey confirm this: 84 percent of the Japanese women surveyed said that an affair supported their marriage.

At "Ashley Madison" membership is free for women, while men have to buy so-called "credits" in order to hook up with women.

In Japan, 100 of these credits cost around 35 euros and enable contact with 20 potential partners. The credits can also be used to purchase virtual gifts for those who love them. About 64 percent of registered users in Japan are men, so the proportion of women in Japan is higher than elsewhere: the global average is 70 percent men and 30 percent women.

A particularly striking advantage of "Ashley Madison" in Japan is the guaranteed discretion. It is possible to flirt anonymously or by a pseudonym, and tracks are deliberately covered.

Biderman says you're far less likely to be caught flinging than if you hook up on Facebook or try a classic office flirt.

Biderman himself says he lives in a monogamous marriage and has two children. The friendly man answers freely and asserts that he too would cheat on his wife if he were sexually unsatisfied.

Why do we cheat?


    Often a long-term relationship narrows us. We long for freedom and independence, we find it all in one fling. Problem: Both, close bond AND freedom, can hardly be realized in a steady relationship.


    One partner wants more sex than the other - and not just the man! Women in particular often complain that he doesn't want sex often enough. Problem: Sometimes lack of libido is just used as an excuse. The fact that the partner does not want sex so often at the moment may be due to completely different conflicts in the partnership.


    The explanation from prehistoric times: Stone Age men took as many women as possible into their cave in order to pass on their genes to as many offspring as possible. This is still in male nature today. Problem: Rather a comfortable excuse - the survival of mankind no longer has to be ensured in this way today.

  • Catch-up theory

    For example, can meet couples who got together very young, had little or no sexual experience before the relationship. If a partner then wants to live out needs that are taboo for the other, some seek fling as a way out. Problem: The challenge lies in gaining new sexual experiences together - but within the limits set by each partner. This can mean the end for some relationships.


    People are constantly learning and changing, driven by curiosity and a thirst for adventure. Good for development - but dangerous for the partnership! Problem: The cheating believes that the affair does not hurt anyone because it only happens out of a thirst for adventure. At the latest when everything is exposed, it hurts!


    More often than expected! If someone learns of the partner's affair, disappointment, injury and loss of trust can be so great that you just as want to get back. The affair is supposed to curb jealousy and strengthen one's self-esteem. Problem: The jealousy remains, relationships can hardly be mended after a double betrayal.


    A lack of admiration from their partner, a lack of self-esteem - many people believe that they can make up for this with an affair. You impress others with power and status - this has long since ceased to work with your partner. Problem: The effect of the affair fizzles out quickly, constant repetition is necessary in order to strengthen the self-esteem in the long term.


    Some experts claim that in some jobs, especially with men, an affair is programmed (doctor / nurse; pilot / stewardess). Problem: There are no data or studies to prove it. Whether someone is cheating or not depends on each individual, but not on gender or profession.

“Ashley Madison” did not have such a dream start everywhere in Asia as it did in Japan. In Singapore, for example, the site was blocked after public protests. The government denounced the service as "a shameless disregard for our family values ​​and public morals."

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