How do I stop being needy
How to overcome emotional need
But how can one overcome emotional need?
How difficult is it Not to be needy when you have needs ... and would love to see them fulfilled!
Sure, I was single myself once and dearly wished for a loving partner: a man who loves me and doesn't play stupid games, who falls in love with me and wants to be with me - and who doesn't take that back after a few weeks ...
And no matter how well and how gladly I flirted, when one “fit”, it was incredibly difficult to stay relaxed.
How does it have to be for people who are not good at flirting and socializing?
What if someone only gets to know someone nice maybe once or twice a month or even less often !?
The good news is: There is a remedy for neediness - at least for the exaggerated form of it.
An effective remedy for emotional need
Increasing your "defenses" in the area of the is very effective against excessive neediness Self-esteem. Because emotional need massively attacks the self-esteem or is a consequence of a lack of self-esteem.
So would you be yours Increase self-esteem, you could drastically reduce your emotional neediness. There are numerous things you can do to increase your self-esteem and self-esteem. One of the most important is to get to the bottom of your beliefs, because they form the framework on which your shaky self-esteem fluctuates back and forth and wishes to be supported by a partner.
Beliefs, these are assumptions that we have made at some point: Conclusions from experiences in our life with which we explain the world to ourselves: "That is so, because ..". In my work as a coach, however, I have found that it is not that easy to figure out beliefs, because for those affected they feel like "truths". That's just how it is.
Ultimately, almost all we know - in truth, is faith:
We believe that the earth is round, because we have seen pictures from space. But there are actually people who believe (well, they know ... they say) that this is all nonsense. ("The flat earh society has followers all around the globe!").
We also believe that we know that the sky is blue - and already then it becomes very obvious that our knowledge is not completely “waterproof”: Because what color the sky is, that determines on the one hand the time of day and the weather - and on the other To others the sky seems only blue. In truth, it is the so-called Rayleigh scattering of sunlight that makes the sky appear blue.
Unfortunately, we have stored loads of "general truths" that are just as dubious and misleading - and don't even notice:
- Truths about how men and / or women are in general
- Experiencing how relationships work
- unconscious patterns of how we behave automatically in certain situations - e.g. in relationships
- A picture of ourselves (and often not a particularly good one)
All of these are beliefs! None of this is a final and universally valid truth.
Why is it so hard to let go of beliefs?
Once you have realized that it could be due to the beliefs - then it would be the easiest thing to let go of these beliefs and believe something better !?
Indeed - but this is exactly what most people find most difficult:
First of all we don't believe (!) That it could be beliefs and then - if it could be…. these beliefs are so firmly anchored in our identity that we are downright afraid to let them go…. Who am I if I am not?
Belief work is extremely effective - but it usually needs a second person to provide support. The construct of experiences, conclusions, fears and misunderstandings cannot be resolved that easily. And that's exactly what coaching, for example, is good for.
Our coaches are very happy to help you >>>
Ultimately, it takes courage to face this challenge - because emotional need is not a “normal state”. And a loving partnership is a price that is well worth taking this path.
Of course, that's not the only thing you can do. There are many ways to increase your self-worth and self-esteem.
Another possibility would be to work with affirmations - you can find instructions here >>>
A "treatment" with the "anonymous good deed" to increase self-esteem can also help you to reduce emotional need.
It works like this:
We all have a - absolutely subjective - feeling for our self-worth - that is, for what we are "worth". We determine this feeling, among other things, in the feedback that we receive or can accept from others.
Let's build our self-esteem too strong on external feedback, self-esteem quickly becomes unstable:
In this case, we have to rely on everyone always finding everything we do is great. Otherwise our self-esteem may suffer immensely and even our ability to accept good feedback may suffer, so that it no longer really reaches us.
In medical terms, we would become resistant to good feedback, so to speak, and our response to bad feedback would increase dramatically.
Not so with the anonymous good deed:
You certainly know a few people who are not doing well and also a few people who deserve or need to be given pleasure. Normally you do it by sending or handing something to this person and letting them know that you want to please them. (Whereby the person then often enough also says that it wasn't necessary after all ...)
With the anonymous good deed, you give yourself all this cinnabar and - as the term suggests - do the good deed without appearing yourself:
- A box of chocolates for the nice receptionist with a "THANK YOU for your smile" - without a signature
- A flower for the old lady across the street, who can no longer walk so well, in front of her door - without a return address
- A small present for the postman to put on his bike or seat while he is pocketing letters
- Pay a ticket and leave it in the machine
- Leave money in the parking meter
- A "deferred coffee"
- and so on
If you think about it for a while, you will surely come up with some possibilities and people who would be happy to be the recipient of a good deed.
If you can, you can of course watch the reception - what a spectacle when the recipient is wondering who is sending him something or who is lying down - looks around and doesn't find anyone who expects a thank you.
This is basically love actually lived - because love is supposed to be unconditional.
And this is exactly where the effect of an anonymous good deed comes into play: You don't expect any thanks - you need no thanks - you give without conditions.
You can draw your satisfaction from the fact that someone is happy right now - without you “collecting” for it.
Man, are you generous ...!
Without getting anything in return - you have real style and your heart in the right place! You are a really good person.
Absolutely no need ... you will notice that yourself!
Checked !? 😉
In fact, this behavior and this thought has a massive effect on your subconscious and thus on your self-esteem.
What happens is some kind of internal halo effect: theHalo effect (from English halo, halo) is a cognitive distortion known from social psychology, which consists of inferring from known characteristics of a person to unknown characteristics. (Source: Wikipedia). With this form here, we infer our character from our own behavior: If we behave so lovingly and generously and freely, we inevitably conclude that we have a lot to offer and are anything but needy ...
Well then ... a better opportunity than now can hardly be found, right !?
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