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Charm: 8 behaviors that make you look more charming

There are people who seem naturally gifted with such charm that everyone can read their wishes in their eyes. You are popular with everyone, have a huge network and, accordingly, a lot of success in your professional life. But charm doesn't have to be innate. You can also train this, despite the fact that you may have approached other people in a rather clumsy manner. In your future encounters, just pay attention to these eight behaviors of charming people and you will be more popular, more successful and simply more satisfied. Try it!

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1. Definition: what is charm?
2. 8 behaviors that make you look more charming
3. Charm offensive # 1: Listen to your counterpart!
4. Charm Offensive # 2: Be Vulnerable!
5. Charm Offensive # 3: Be Interested!
6. Charm Offensive # 4: Present yourself humbly!
7. Charm Offensive # 5: Pay attention to your body language!
8. Charm Offensive # 6: Strive for Harmony!
9th Charm Offensive # 7: Be confident!
10. Charm Offensive # 8: Memorize Names

Definition: what is charm?

Before you can become more “charming” yourself, you should first know what the charm actually is. The term originally comes from the French language and means "fascinate" or "delight". It is therefore a personality trait of people that makes them particularly popular in the social environment - both with known people as well as with previously strangers.

According to the Duden, it is a "winning being of a person", whose "kindness" or the "attraction that emanates from someone's winning being".

As a rule, charm as a quality is not innate, but acquired in the course of a person's socialization. For some people this happens at a very young age, for others later or never. Whether and to what extent a person becomes charming depends to a large extent on their behavioral role models, for example their own parents. However, hops and malt are by no means lost if you were not brought up to be a charming personality when you were a child. Instead, you can acquire or intensify your charm at any age - similar to charisma.

Charisma is like burning in a fire in people,
the glow of the candle, the sparkle of precious stones, gold and silver.
It is something spiritual.

(Li Liweng)

At this point, it makes sense to delimit the very similar terms: Although charm and charisma express themselves similarly in a person in that they are extremely popular and somehow "fascinating" in their social environment, charm is more a characteristic that expresses itself in certain behaviors, while charisma is by definition Represents "a special gift given by God". You can find out exactly what this is all about in the following article:

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As just mentioned, the personality trait “charm” is expressed in special behaviors when interacting with other people. Some patterns can be seen here in people who are perceived by their social environment as being particularly charming.

8 behaviors that make you look more charming

So there are explicit strategies with which you can increase your charm and thereby become more popular and successful not only in your professional life. If you learn the following eight behaviors from charming personalities, train them and incorporate them into your conversations, you will soon see the first positive effects on your social life - guaranteed!

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It is important that you always remain authentic despite "rehearsed" behavior. So your charm only grows to an above-average level when you manage the balancing act between authenticity and the following eight behaviors. That may be a challenge, but it is always doable. Ultimately, you don't really have to do more than reflect on your previous communication patterns and optimize them a little in eight places. But what are they?

Charm offensive # 1: Listen to your counterpart!

Very charming people let their interlocutor finish speaking and above all: They listen with full attention. This means that they do not concentrate on their next answer or on an idea, anecdote, etc. that they want to get rid of as soon as the other person has spoken, but instead they let their thoughts go on, follow the conversation and respond specifically to what has been said. Real listening is an art that has become rare, but arguably the most important factor in charm.

Charm is the gift of making the other forget that he looks what he looks like.

(French proverb)

At the same time, you should give your counterpart more time to talk than yourself. Ask open-ended questions to encourage them to talk - this strengthens sympathy and ensures that the speaker feels himself to be important. So you give every individual in your social environment the feeling of being valued and thereby indirectly increase your own popularity. Because people will come to you again and try to talk to you again in order to be able to get the same feeling.

Charm Offensive # 2: Be Vulnerable!

Many people these days display an artificial strength and shy away from showing emotions in public. This is especially true of men, but not only for a long time. Especially in professional life, emotions are seen as disruptive factors that need to be eliminated. The result is a work atmosphere that is perceived as inhuman or robotic and cold. A social environment that is not only uncomfortable for everyone involved in the long run, but can even pose a threat to one's own health. Keyword: burnout syndrome.

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But people don't want to be a number or a cog in the clockwork. They are and will remain people - and want to be able to act and feel as such. If you give your conversation partner the feeling of being able to be authentic, to allow emotions and yet to be accepted and valued as the person he really is, you increase your charm many times over. How do you do that? Make yourself vulnerable. Present yourself humanely and authentically.

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Show emotions, talk about feelings instead of facts, and get the other person to switch to the emotional level. For example, ask questions like “Which event in your life shaped you the most?” Or “What hurt you about the behavior of Mr. Mustermann?”. So don't enter into a verbal competition during the conversation in which everyone brags about their achievements or persists in their opinion, but find a level of humanity and become a team - in the actual and figurative sense.

Charm offensive # 3: be interested!

It's actually very easy: show real interest. The person concerned will quickly notice when you just feign interest and when you actually want to learn more about them. So make yourself aware that you can learn something valuable from everyone you meet in the course of your life. See it as a mission to find out in each individual case what this something is. Even or especially people who appear unappealing to you at first glance can, at second glance, become the greatest teachers in your life. So showing genuine interest in someone has numerous positive side effects - and one of them is more charm on your part.

Charm offensive # 4: present yourself humbly!

They may be successful, but nobody can really suffer them: the language is boastful. An inflated ego makes you disagreeable and is usually a sign of a lack of self-esteem.

On the other hand, you appear charming through modesty. People who hold back in a pleasant way make themselves interesting and somehow “fascinating”. As a rule, the other person tries to find out more about you on their own. But you shouldn't be too covered either, otherwise the conversation will end quickly due to monosyllabic answers and those around you will have the feeling that they cannot get in touch with you.

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So discover your humble, grateful, almost “soft” side. If you meet someone on an equal footing and do not consider yourself to be better because of a higher hierarchical position, for example, your charm will noticeably skyrocket. Here, too, the keyword of authenticity comes into play: Just be yourself without having to artificially puff yourself up, like so many narcissists in our society. This requires a minimum of self-reflection. It is the key to (even) more charm.

Charm offensive # 5: Pay attention to your body language!

Accordingly, your body language should also be “soft”, i.e. calm and relaxed. That doesn't mean sagging your shoulders and shuffling down the hallways of the office complex. You can and should definitely pay attention to self-confident, upright and energetic body language in order to cast a spell over you. Still, it will quickly notice whether your body language is authentic or whether you are staging a mock self. Pay attention to it and you will quickly develop an eye for which person has real self-confidence and who, on the other hand, walks through life with an artificially straight back full of tension and mock self-confidence.

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Charm offensive # 6: strive for harmony!

So be relaxed as well as authentic. Let yourself be fully involved in the conversation. Laugh. Show humor and self-irony and look for togetherness in a conversation instead of against one another. A conversation is not a competition, but an exchange of information - at best on a friendly level. Strive for harmony in your conversations. Confirm your counterpart. Feel yourself in his words. Keyword: empathy.

Bear your evil as you like, do not complain about your misfortune;
As you accuse your friend of misfortune, he'll give you back a dozen at once!

(Johann Wolfgang von Goethe)

Don't turn every conversation into a contest or discussion. Don't just stubbornly insist on your opinion or take the opportunity to gossip about colleagues, superiors, etc. On the other hand, create a positive atmosphere on both sides so that everyone involved emerges from the conversation strengthened and inspired. Pay attention to a positive choice of words, neutral or motivating topics and a basic tenor full of hope. Sounds cheesy? Sure, because these conversations have become rare. This is exactly why you will appear charming to the person opposite you and they will be happy to come back to you for another conversation.

Charm offensive # 7: show your self-confidence!

This keyword has also been mentioned quite often: You have to exude self-confidence in order to appear charming to the person opposite you. This is the only way you can become a role model, that is, exert an “attraction” on people. If you don't believe in yourself - who will? However, it must be a matter of healthy self-confidence. So you have to be "self-aware". This has nothing to do with an exaggerated ego or showing off. Instead, it means a great deal of self-reflection and confidence in your own abilities. This is what makes you look more charming.

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Charm offensive # 8: memorize names!

The last behavior of charming people is as simple as it is effective: Make a note of each person's name the first time they introduce them and then speak to them directly. This makes an impression and gives the person concerned a new feeling of importance. Memorizing names is a sign of interest. Addressing a person by name establishes a personal connection between the interlocutors more quickly and allows the change from superficial to more authentic topics. So train your name memory from now on and your charm will increase immediately. Not that difficult, this “being charming” - right ?!

What other behaviors do you notice again and again in people whom you experience as particularly charming? And what is it that puts you off? Thank you for your additions in the comments!

Photo credit: Photo by Jimmy Bay on Unsplash.com

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