How much do parents trust their teenagers?

Puberty - How To Behave As A Parent


What happens during puberty?

It is unavoidable and is often called a second birth or as the difficult years describes and confronts not only the children with various challenges and problems, but also the parents: puberty. In the Transition phase from childhood to adulthood Not only do physical changes take place in the body, but also psychological and cognitive ones.

If the child reaches puberty, the parents often literally do not recognize them again. No wonder, because this delicate point in time marks the beginning emotional detachment of adolescent children from their own parents. But not only that. During the puberty the body resembles a large construction site, everything is under renovation and no stone is left unturned. This process is initiated by specific neurons in the hypothalamus, the part of the brain that, among other things, regulates appetite and body weight. At the onset of puberty, the neurons stimulate the production of certain hormones that are ultimately responsible for the development from child to reproductive adult and all associated side effects: voice breakage, beard growth, breast growth, onset of menstrual bleeding, increasing body hair, growth spurts, etc.

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Hormonal roller coaster of emotions

How much hormones can influence their general condition and psychological stability is something that teenagers - and, as a result, their parents - clearly experience during puberty. After all, hormones not only control physical sexual maturity, but also important factors such as self-perception, self-confidence, the ability to bond socially or how you relate yourself to others. The imbalance of the hormonal balance during puberty is normal, but in some cases it can also have negative consequences and in the worst case lead to problems such as eating disorders or depression. In such situations, it is up to the parents Process from carefree child to responsible adult to observe with all its intermediate stages and not to dismiss burgeoning behavior disorders as adolescent behavior.

State of emergency in the pubertal brain

A lot also changes in the brain itself; it matures and becomes during puberty fundamentally restructured. Childlike thought processes and forms of behavior are discarded, neural connections that have formed in childhood are largely dissolved again in this phase and new ones are formed. The speed of thought processes increases many times over, so that teenagers can eventually think just as quickly as adults. But until these processes are completed, there is often chaos. Not all brain regions develop at the same pace as one of the last to mature, according to doctors, for example the prefrontal cortex. This area of ​​the cerebral cortex controls, among other things, the emotional evaluation of impressions and experiences and is significantly involved in making us aware of the consequences of actions and a corresponding one Impulse control is possible.

If you take into account that Adolescents in puberty These abilities are not yet fully available, it becomes clear why their reactions to certain stimuli often do not yet correspond to those of an adult. Overreactions, aggression, anger, fear, but also increased willingness to take risks and the search for the kick can be the consequences, which is not uncommon in increased conflicts with adults - above all one's own parents - or an increased affinity for alcohol, drugs and risky actions.

Teenage Education: Keeping Distance and Building Trust

How parents feel about their pubescent children behavior towards them is crucial for their development. Many young people prepare the severe upheavals in your own body and thinking much bigger problems than they are willing to admit to parents. Their emancipation process is often interpreted by the parents as a direct attack or rejection, which puts additional strain on the relationship. Classical upbringing usually ends with the onset of puberty, as young people often avoid such measures. From now on it is more a matter of observing, accompanying, assisting, supporting and positively encouraging parents.

The right mix of Trust and distance usually helps parents not to escalate the situation at home and to give the youngsters the feeling that they are doing things right despite possible problems and are responsive to them Support from the parental home can count. Constant monitoring and control for fear of missteps by the offspring trigger rejection and defiance in the vast majority of cases. The repeated, but not reproachful, addressing of problematic topics in quiet, relaxed moments helps Adolescent Children Probably not directly to success either, but in this way parents can convey the fact that they want to participate in the lives of their children and that they want to be at their side in case of difficulties. Even if young people like to convey to their parents that they are no longer needed, this is where they have their support and assistance decisive phase of life especially necessary. In spite of everything, parents should therefore try to stay in constant contact with them without being imposing, so that the teenagers do not feel patronized or left alone.

Recognize problems in puberty and offer solutions

Usual adolescent and problematic behavior, such as emotional or social adjustment disorders, It is often not easy to tell apart - especially if you want to give your children the freedom they need to develop their own personality during puberty. Parents need a sure instinct here. In such cases, a better insight into the behavior of one's own child is often provided by consultation and cooperation with institutions such as the school, in order to be able to better grasp the scope of the problem.

What should I do if I have difficulties at school?

It is not uncommon for school to be part of the problem. Puberty can be more or less sudden decline in academic performance which often seems inexplicable to the parents. Affected parents should try not to project their expectations onto the children and first of all make it clear to themselves and their offspring that this does not mean the end of the world. Many well-known and later successful personalities experienced something similar in their school days. Root cause research but one should still operate. Lack of concentration and tiredness at school, for example, can often simply be attributed to the hormonal change and the resulting changes changed sleep-wake rhythm lead back during puberty. A shifted focus of perception often means that other things seem much more important than good school grades: your own outfit, for example, your own body, the opposite sex or a cool image. In addition, the adolescents even repeatedly stay away from class, and in addition to testing their limits during puberty, they should in any case also have causes such as Bullying or excessive pressure to perform be considered.

Answering decline in performance during puberty with even more pressure is the fundamentally wrong approach. In the best case, students overcome their lows on their own or with guidance and Support from classmates and friends. If this is not the case, parents can actively offer their children help and Learning incentives without giving them an ultimatum. Possible consequences should be communicated in any case, but calmly and without judgment. If young people are bored with school and the subject matter, they can too Tutoring or alternative learning techniques be a solution by means of online exercises, apps or videos.

What to do when teenagers lie

With the painful realization of being lied to by their own child, parents often feel that they have failed in their upbringing or that they have lost touch with one another. It is reassuring that in most cases this is not the case. It is often not even possible to fathom exactly why children lie. During puberty, smaller as well as larger lies are in many cases part of the Rebellion against persons in authority and striving to emancipate oneself from them. Fear of punishment is also a possible cause of lying to one's parents, as is fear of losing their respect or trust. Simple excessive demands can also be a reason for untruths, an attempt to circumvent a ban or even to gain the reputation of others of the same age. Under no circumstances should parents with such a suspicion spy on their children or their children privacy hurt by secretly searching computers or cell phones. An open approach and direct addressing of the topic, if possible without mutual accusations, are the most likely to promise success. Otherwise, parents should be aware that lying during puberty is not an expression of bad parenting, but rather something of a passing phenomenon. And finally, even adults sometimes resort to a white lie.

Keep your nerve: this is how parents and children get through puberty unscathed

The most difficult thing for parents of pubescent children is often not to take freakingouts, arguments and alleged attacks of their offspring personally and not to blame them. Even if it seems almost impossible sometimes serenity is still the best means for everyone involved, mostly puberty lasting several years survive unscathed. Parents should keep reminding themselves that this phase - even if it is exhausting - is important and necessary so that not only the body, but also the personality and identity of the young person can mature and develop further. If puberty does not occur, this is not a cause for joy, but rather for concern, because serious health problems could be behind it.

During puberty, adolescents like to and often rebel against conventions and views that their parents have conveyed to them through their upbringing. Research shows, however, that it is not that easy to get rid of it, even if you try. Most people have internalized the values ​​and ideas of their parents in spite of turbulent puberty and later carry them on. If this comforting insight is not enough to get through the pubescent phase of your children, you can also turn to them helpful behavioral tips for parents orientate:

  • Parents and children don't have to be best friends - being good parents is enough.
  • Young people want to be praised, also and especially when things are not going well.
  • Even if they would never admit it: Teens need the affection and tenderness of their parents.
  • Their circle of friends and their own privacy are sacred for young people, so parents should leave both untouched as far as possible.
  • Rules yes, paternalism no: Young people need structure, but with an authoritarian upbringing style, parents usually bite on granite.
  • Dialog instead of monologue: Those who patiently try to communicate constructively with their child over and over again have a better chance of success than parents who keep pointing out do's and don'ts with their forefingers.
  • Arguing is just as important as listening - adolescents in puberty want to rub themselves against adults, from time to time they should also be allowed to - just don't take it personally.
  • Serenity instead of stress - after all, everyone was once a pubescent teenager themselves.