Why were people farting so loudly

The sulfur smell of love

Spring lets its blue ribbon flutter through the air again - a nice occasion to deal with flatulence. More precisely: with the romance of farting. Thanks to an online survey by the American news portal Mic.com, we now know when it is okay in a relationship to let someone drive you in front of your partner. 125 young people took part in the survey, which does not make them representative, but still a good indicator of the greatest handicaps of the so-called millennials: They are easily excited about any nonsense, deal carelessly with intimate information and spend far too much Time on the internet. But back to the original question: 51 percent of respondents said they farted in front of their partner within the first six months of a relationship, 26 percent only farted after the first six months, and 10 percent always farted when they feel like it. Only seven percent said they never farted in front of their partner.

The fact that so many people have an exact idea of ​​when the moment has come to break the fart barrier in a relationship suggests that the first open fart is a real, perhaps even one of the most important relationship milestones. Because he outlines us to the loved one as a human being, he ends the stage of idealization and lays the foundation for a serious and long-term partnership. A fart is the gastroenterological expression for “I love you! I love you so much that I can completely relax in your presence. And I trust that you won't run away right away, now that you know that I produce various gases in me. "And those who can bear the fart of their partner say without words," I love you too, honey! Be completely yourself! I want to share everything with you, including the by-products of your digestion. "

The relationship is now entering its most stable phase: You go on vacation together without constantly pulling your stomach in a bikini. You have children and survive births, weekly flow and milk leakage together. People keep their hair out of each other's faces while paddling when the first gastrointestinal virus strikes. In short: you share all kinds of intimate things with one another without losing respect or even affection for your partner.

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But then after a few years it can happen that the relationship slides into a destructive phase, which often ends with separation, divorce and bitter war. This phase also often begins with a fart. This fart doesn't say, "I love you!" But rather, "I'm too lazy to get up from the sofa and carry this enormous, stinking gas whip to the bathroom out of courtesy and respect for you." This is not an accidentally released sign of my relaxation in your presence, but the intentional manifestation of my indolence. With this sulphurous fanfare, I show you how indifferent you are to me, how little I need to make a little effort to make my company as pleasant as possible for you. "

This type of fart is not acknowledged by the partner with a loving and intelligent smile, but with wild insults, panic opening windows or retreating with a shake of the head. For example, to the toilet, where the last bit of eroticism, which may still be inherent in a long-term relationship, is buried with the toilet door open. Or washes down.

The fart is therefore something like the "wind of change" of a partnership, for better or for worse. Sailing together through this storm towards sunset is the fine art of love.

Illustration: Eugenia Loli