What common things never happen to you
This is how you can see that your relationship is over
Hopefully someone really broke your heart in your teenage years. Because it is better to have this experience during a period of life when it is OK to keep a tearful diary. On the one hand, you will be prepared for the heartache in adulthood and, on the other hand, you probably won't turn the lights off with alcohol and drugs.
However, this sudden heartache and the creeping one that comes from early 20s to the end of life are different. In eighth grade, you don't have the emotional intelligence to really experience the whole thing - that is, the broken heart when the blazing fire from the beginning of the relationship goes out and you have totally numbed each other. If while reading these lines you think that none of this applies to you, then you are either one of those devoted Christians who are forever with their first love, or everything is still ahead of you.
The road to separation is long, lonely and riddled with unsightly, almost excitingly bad developments. We will take apart some of these developments below. And if you find yourself anywhere in this article, then you can prepare yourself for the impending death of your relationship. Have fun!
Photo: Max Pixel | CC0 public domain
The arguments become more frequent and pointless
Arguing is part of a relationship. At some point, however, you no longer get into each other's hair about relatively serious things (you don't want to tie yourself; you never take out the trash; you have no money and still buy every shit), but because of absolutely nothing (why did you get the shitty ordered a Chinese restaurant ?; why do you put the dishwasher in such a strange way ?; why do you have our smart TV box with 60 episodes Swap women trashed?). Suddenly you are bothered by the way your partner drinks from a bottle, laughs or uses an everyday word again and again in the wrong context. And then comes the realization that he or she has actually not done anything, but is simply there.
The sex is to be forgotten
By the time you realize the only way to enjoy sex when you think about someone else, then it is already too late. Your partner's body has lost all sexual stimulus. And not in a "Let's grow old together, because our relationship is beyond the physical" sort of thing. No, the act instead feels like a strange, pointless thing. Over time, you're somewhere else during sex more and more often. Then you want to be like Julia Roberts in Pretty woman stop kissing because for some reason the most natural token of affection has become too lewd. From now on, only your genitals rub against each other. And only in positions where you don't have to look each other in the eye.
Fortunately, you usually sleep together at night. Then you can stare at the wall in the dark and think about what it all means. If the sex just keeps getting worse, the same can be said about the relationship. By the way, you can't just sit out something like that.
Your partner's thoughts and feelings no longer matter
Three little mind games:
1.) Your partner is standing at the window. The light of the mild but bright summer sun shines in and fine dust particles float through the air. You just called him or her a "damn asshole" in your text message and he or she is crying snot and water. You are responsible for that tear-streaked face. You have thrown all self-esteem overboard. Why should he or she hold back now? In the meantime, the T-shirt has been howling wet and the room smells of salt. And it's all your fault. What are you feeling?
2.) Tires squeal. A sound that stands out from the otherwise calm traffic. Your partner is dead on the street, a little blood is running down the corner of your mouth, the extremities are unnaturally twisted. He or she wanted to catch the bus, but instead ran right in front of the vehicle. Now he or she is no longer alive. The eyes are still open, but they have lost all shine. And you stare at the face in which you once whispered "I love you". What are you feeling?
3.) Little was going on at work. That's why you left earlier. On the way home you put on your headphones, didn't look at your cell phone for an hour and just let yourself drift home. Now you're standing in front of your apartment door, a little sweaty, thinking about a refreshing shower. Wait a moment. The springs on your bed are squeaking suspiciously. Is it possible that … ? You storm into the bedroom and see: Your partner is having passionate sex with a stranger. Really passionate ones - including knotted bodies, gags and lubricating gel with taste. It's not just sex, it's the kind of sex the two of you haven't had in years. What are you feeling?
Did you mainly feel something? Then that's fine. Did you mainly feel nothing? Oh dear
Photo: Chris Bethell
You have absolutely nothing more to say to each other
Have you ever had a sad brunch? Actually, a brunch can't be sad at all. I mean, how good is the combination of breakfast and lunch, please? But then your gaze turns to the person who is sitting across from you and whom you say you still love. "Hey, what ..." you say while you play around with the salt shaker without emotion. "What did your mother say?" "Hmm?" Is the answer. "Last time on the phone. Didn't your mother call?" And then your partner says "Oh, yes", pauses for a moment and finally lets out a deep sigh - this is also how the wind sounds that blows through the void where your heart was once located. "Nothing really. She only talked about the dog." And then you keep silent for another five minutes until the food comes. "Ah, the food," you say. The food saved you. When brunch is so sad, your relationship is about to end.
You don't want to think about the future
You idiot booked a vacation together and now there is virtually no turning back. Just in case, you still think about which single buddy you could take with you instead and how much money you would have thrown out the window if you had completely canceled the trip. Is it bad not to quit until six months after Tenerife? Probably, because then you will be half a year closer to 30.
If a vacation has not yet been booked, none of you will address this topic. You both don't feel like spending two weeks abroad together. Then it could almost look like everything is fine. Only on the evening before last, one of you can no longer find your sunglasses and there is a two-hour argument until you storm out of the hotel in a rage, stomp through the area for three quarters of an hour and finally have to get a spare key at the reception to get back into the room get. There is silence for the rest of the vacation.
Basically, do not touch the topic of vacation when the sword of Damocles is already hanging over your relationship.
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When something nice happens, you tell someone else first
An often forgotten advantage of a relationship is the fact that there is always someone around who you can happily tell about your raise, your sister's engagement or the cute dog on the subway. No other person in your social circle likes you enough to support you emotionally with the same intensity. However, if your relationship dies a slow death, then over time you will start writing to other people - your best friend, your mother, or the pretty attractive person with whom you otherwise have only platonic contact. You are subconsciously preparing for life after the inevitable breakup.
A hug suddenly makes you shudder
Do you remember the last time you came home and your partner was standing in the kitchen crying. You only noticed that the aunt was somehow sick. At first a little compassion came over you and you started to hug. That hug felt both natural and wrong at the same time. Then, while you were holding your partner in your arms, you thought to yourself: "It's just like hugging a crying piece of meat."
Photo: Jake Lewis
You dream of a life without or at least with another partner
A lazy Sunday morning all to yourself. You can finally go jogging, drink coffee by the canal, go to the pub a little earlier, maybe eat a burger beforehand, and meet all the friends you haven't seen for a long time because your partner hates them. Wouldn't it be great to be single? Then you could get a dog or move to another city temporarily. And watch the series that he or she doesn't like. Or maybe cook something yourself instead of constantly eating spaghetti bolognese, french fries and pizza that you ordered. You could be so free Wouldn't it be nice if ... OK, let's just say it: what if he or she weren't there anymore?
Getting along after an argument is no longer important to you
You used to fall into each other's arms crying after an argument, give each other presents and then give each other ample oral satisfaction. Now all you have to do is say a little "good, sorry" and then go back to more important things.
An actual fling (ending up in bed with someone else after an alcohol-ridden pub crawl) is a clear sign that your relationship is no longer going so well. But the small, inconspicuous things also count: You write with a colleague after work, you charm a young lady who you think is hot on Facebook and you follow your ex again on Instagram. You haven't done anything wrong yet, but slowly a thought creeps into your subconscious: If you wanted to, then could you cheat The foundation for this has been laid, a potential alternative is ready. The engine is started, all you have to do is step on the gas pedal and crash your relationship completely.
From now on you save "romantic" activities for your friends
On one of your grumpy walks, you see a new restaurant near your apartment. "Looks pretty good," says one of you, to which the other replies with "Hmm". Before, when you really wanted each other and couldn't do without each other, you would have said that you should eat there. You might say that now, but you both know full well that this will never happen. Six weeks later you end up with your friends in this restaurant for the first time.
And so it happens that when you see the newly opened sourdough pizzeria you immediately think of two or three friends with whom you would rather go there than with your partner. You haven't even got home when you've already made everything clear via group chat. Going out to dinner with your partner when the relationship is already in tatters is a waste of money. You will immediately forget the whole thing.
Photo: Jake Lewis
Actually, you only live together because there are still eight months of minimum rental period left
Moving in together is the step between "dating" and "actually being married forever". If this step goes wrong, however, the excitement of the first joint IKEA visits evaporates very quickly. Then all you have left is your favorite place on the sofa and the morning routine that you won't get in each other's way. You'd rather stay at work a little longer and you've already spent a few nights on your sister's couch anyway. Basically you just count down the days until you can finally move out.
The final end or the back and forth between uncomfortable silence and "We have to talk"
Imagine the following scenario: Your partner asks you sensually whether you want to have sex. If you just shrug your shoulders now, it won't be far to the ending call. However, by now you'd rather chat with someone on the subway than reply to your partner's messages. Because you have the feeling that he or she is forcing you into a conversation that you don't feel like doing. You have nothing more in common, there is nothing more to say. And if you break the silence, then only with the famous "We have to talk to each other" sentence, which half leads to the end of the relationship. On the other hand, you want to try it again. And at some point the silence will come again. And then the sentence again. And then the final end.
... until you end up in the next two-year relationship and the whole game starts all over again!
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