How strong are interracial marriages and relationships

Interracial relationships: "Do you belong together?"

White-black couples are often asked this seemingly innocent question. It can be quite painful. Three examples.

For many it is unthinkable that white-black constellations are possible Photo: Désirée Fawn / Unsplash

“Do you belong together?” One of my most frequently heard sentences. As a black woman who is out and about in German dating life, this is a standard question. Every time I go out with a white man, I hear them. Now you are probably thinking: What's in it? The question sounds innocent at first. Clear. But please imagine the following situations:

1) After a couple of weeks of dating, we go to the bakery together as a couple. After the party evening, rolls or croissants should be fetched. The white couple in front of us is of course understood as a couple and “taken on” together. “What good can I do for you?” Whistles the service staff to the two of them. When it is my turn to swirl partner du jour and I, the waitress asks: “Who gets first?” One of them stutters: “Um, we're together. So not like that. I mean we get together. Two nut-nougat croissants and a cheese roll. "

2) We've been together for three years. We love each other, are our mutual emergency contacts, we know our birthdays and those of our immediate family members by heart, we have seen our incognito browser histories at least four times and still appreciate each other. We also have a common shopping app on which zucchini, wine and eggs are written alternately until we die. Nevertheless, we are not seen as a couple when we are together at the cash desk at Kaufland. It is still asked whether that “belongs” to it.

3) At school: first love. Florian and you hold hands. It just happened. Either because you've always looked at each other that way. Or because a game made you do it. Out of whichever reasons. You kissed at the barn festival. Everything feels right. But when you want to get drinks together, the waiter pairs you up with other people, because it is unimaginable that Lacrosse-Looking-Ass-Florian and Lupita-Before-Anyone-Knew-in-Karlsruhe-Lupita-Anna could be together.


Why in the world would that hurt? Behind this is that for many it is unthinkable that this white-black constellation is possible. Many now say: Okay, but surely that is also experienced by couples who form opposites on another level. Not just black and white, but also large / small.

The thing is that to this day so-called "interracial couples" have a prominent place on Youporn. And the mainstream has agreed that these couples will have "AMAZINGLY CUTE CHILDREN OMG", but in "normal" life these couples don't really happen. Only when they appear in the well-known forms: Jürgen with a Thai woman, Provincial Gabi with a 90-Day Fiancé-fresh-off-the-boat Nigerian and the young ANNA with a Fortune 500 Sugar -Daddy.