Are you going to argue with your mother
sofatutor magazine student
Fear, insecurity, grief, feelings of guilt - when the parents separate, you have to struggle with a great emotional chaos. You can find out here how to bring order to the situation for yourself.
Don't blame yourself. If parents separate, they are solely responsible. Children are never to blame for their parents' separation - never! You might be thinking, "If I had cleaned my room more often, there wouldn't have been so much arguments." Don't tell yourself that. A tidy room, better grades, etc. would not have changed anything. Parents are getting divorced because they see no future in their relationship. It has nothing to do with you.
Talk about your feelings and needs. After a breakup, parents are mostly preoccupied with their own feelings. You are sad and hurt. But you are too and you can be. Don't eat your feelings and needs into yourself. Talk to them openly - even in front of your parents. Tell them how you feel and what you are afraid of. So they can take away your fear and be there for you. If you don't talk to them, they won't know what you need and how to help you.
Ask for help when you need it. If your parents can't be there for you the way you need them, ask for help. Contact friends, relatives, or a trusted tutor. Talk to them about the situation at home. If no one is around to talk to, call the number against grief. Here you will be listened to and also helped.
Don't let it make you feel guilty. Have you spent more time with your dad than with your mom - or the other way around? Now do you have a guilty conscience because you notice that this makes your mom or dad sad? Realize that you are not responsible for your parents' feelings. They broke up. You didn't choose the situation. Now they have to deal with the fact that you spend time alone with your mom or dad.
Let the sadness out. Pouring in feelings is never good. Sooner or later they'll come out anyway. So cry when you're sad - and when you need it, cry for hours too. You'll see, you'll feel a little better afterwards.
Ask if you need an answer. Are you unsure because you don't know when you will see your dad or mom again? You're scared because you don't know how B. what Christmas looks like now? Then ask your parents. Ask anything you want to know so that your insecurity and fear go away.
Don't take everything personally. Did your mom or dad yell at you about something or say something stupid to you? Your parents are probably very stressed about the new situation. Don't take everything personally. Give them some time to get used to the new circumstances. You will see that the minds calm down again.
Demand a say. In the event of a divorce or separation, a lot has to be clarified and decided. When it comes to decisions that affect you, you have a say. Tell your parents that you want to be asked about anything that affects you.
Stay out of your parents' argument. Your mother talks badly about your father and your father badly about your mother? Make it clear to both of them that this is their fight and that you don't want anything to do with it. You should work it all out among yourself. You don't have to take either side or mediate between them. This is not your job.
Conclusion: When parents separate, it leads to a chaos of emotions. Let your feelings out and talk about your desires and fears. Make it clear to your parents that you don't want to have anything to do with their argument so that you will eventually get better.
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