Why do we always think something
# FragR29: Why do we always want what we can't have?
It is totally absurd, downright crazy, one might say. But unfortunately it is the case that I always want to have exactly what I cannot have. Not just me, actually quite a few people feel the same way. When I'm in a relationship, I long for some time to myself and when I don't have anyone, then I want to have a relationship again very quickly because I lack closeness. If I have a permanent job, I dream of the freedom that life as a freelancer offers, and now as a freelancer, I very often want the security of a permanent position back. When I'm at home I want to travel and when I travel I feel homesick.
It almost seems as if the grass on the other side of the fence is always at least twice as green and what we have is just such dried up scrub that urgently, but really very urgently, needs to be disposed of. This phenomenon begins in early childhood. The toys of the others are always much more exciting, but when you finally have that longed-for toy after a lot of thirds and roars, it suddenly isn't that interesting anymore. This striving for the other begins on a small scale, for example when we find the meal of our table neighbor in the restaurant much more exciting than what we have ordered and can be infinitely far-reaching, such as when we doubt fundamental life decisions, for example our relationship or the work situation.
The engine that drives us
The fact is that such dissatisfaction or the pursuit of something completely different can be incredibly motivating, because it offers the opportunity to constantly change or improve. If there really is more out there, standing still is not necessarily optimal - and that automatically gets you moving, which is not immediately bad. So you can convert this dissatisfaction into something positive, but you have to take action, because only complaining doesn't get it better. If we can motivate ourselves to really pursue these wishes, to learn new things, to travel to new countries or to finally take care of a happy relationship, then this dissatisfaction has made something, it has made our lives better. But what if we have pulled out all the stops and have fulfilled those dreams for which we have longed for so long and then look at our old life full of romantic transfiguration and wish us back those times?
It's a hard knock life
I'll tell you a little secret now: life is damn hard. It's not easy for absolutely anyone, really not. Even Kylie Jenner has a hard time because the good girl is under a lot of pressure to deliver perfection all the time. Okay, crying is much more comfortable in the Lamborghini than in the subway, but you know what I mean. So if you worked really hard on it or were very brave and achieved your goals and then suddenly you long for your old life, then that means that you 1. romanticize your old life and ignore the dissatisfaction from back then and 2. you understand that the grass on the other side of the fence isn't quite as bright green as hoped. It's probably not even light green, but it doesn't get much greener anywhere else either. It will probably just be a different shade of green. The thing is that advertising and capitalism are constantly fooling us into the perfect life: Pure happiness is achievable, it is a real thing that exists and that you can do if you try really hard or if you have a lot of blessings and money , can really achieve. And of course you can always compare yourself upwards and downwards in a direct comparison. You will always find someone who is worse off than you. But first of all, it is about not always wanting what you currently do not have - completely detached from comparisons and what others have or do not have. The point is that we fundamentally take the other, the unattainable as the standard of all things, which, to be honest, not only blinds us, but is often ungrateful and harmful to oneself. It takes away your view of really important things, such as honest needs and realistic life goals, which can at least temporarily make you feel happy.
Had, had, bicycle chain
If I had a different relationship I would be happy. If I had another job I would be better off. If I had a different body, I would finally be carefree. Blaming unattainable or even unattainable goals for your happiness is a great method if you want to be unhappy in the long run. We lie to ourselves with these excuses that our life is much better if we had this or that. And because that is just not achievable or we don't have it at this moment, we can't be happy either, logically. In addition, when you are completely honest with yourself, it is not that easy to find out what you are really want. In addition, it makes things even more difficult that humans tend to be rather sluggish beings who cannot and do not want to get involved so well with changes. So rather complain, dream and leave everything as it was? Not quite, because as already mentioned above in the text, such a latent dissatisfaction can also have a very motivating effect. Dreaming of a better, different life can be a great refuge to make everyday life a little more bearable, but you should never rest on it and drift into resignation, instead step into action, be brave and if something doesn't work out, yes then you can complain. It is just the case that happiness and contentment start with yourself, namely with self-love that is all too often sung about. Only if you are kind to yourself and listen to yourself and your needs can you set yourself realistic goals and finally leave this irrational pursuit of the eternally unattainable behind you. And hey, if you ask very nicely, then your table neighbor in the restaurant might let you try his plate. Little steps.
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