How do I get relationship advice

14 relationship tips for a better partnership

How do I deal with a distant partner? What is good communication in a relationship? How can I argue and come to a solution? What do I have to consider when giving criticism and advice? How do I get respect from my partner? With the following 14 relationship tips you can sustainably improve your partnership.

Tip 1: respect that your partner is different from you

People are individuals. It is not possible for our partner to share all of our views, to behave exactly as we do in certain situations, or to do things as we would. There are partners in relationships who find this knowledge very painful. They sometimes doubt that their partner is the right one. But especially confuse equality with closeness. Certainly there are couples who agree more often than others, but a complete synchronization is simply impossible.

We are all too fond of believing that we are the truth would have leased. Our partner just isn't able to recognize them. But the fact is that each of us looks at reality through a filter. How our personal filter is built depends on our social origin, our family history, our gender, our genetic makeup and our cultural background. There are as many views of the truth as there are those who hold it.
Respecting our partner's diversity does not mean that we have to accept all of our partner's behavior. We don't have to do that at all. It means there is in our relationship Not It's about who does certain things right or wrong, whose opinion is acceptable or unacceptable, or who is generally right.

Tip 2: Focus on the positive sides of your partner

When we get to know our partner and woo them, we almost only see their positive sides. At this point, we ignore the negative characteristics. At first we find the facets that distinguish our partner from ourselves rather appealing and interesting. We maintain this perspective during the first phase of being in love. It is the time of the "rose-colored glasses" in which we literally float on clouds. Mother Nature probably arranged it so that we can reproduce diligently and preserve our species.

After about seven to nine months, however, this perspective gradually changes for almost all couples. The positive qualities of our partner move more and more into the background, the negatives more into the foreground. And even worse: What we initially found exciting and interesting about our partner is starting to bother us more and more. The result is often that we nag, patronize, boss around and constantly criticize our partner. This behavior is of course poison for any partnership. Couple therapists know: The reasons for breakups are almost always the same as for couples to get together!

It is therefore one of the important relationship tipsthat we are the Always bring the positive sides of our partner to mind. Sometimes we just don't want to think of positive qualities because we have completely lost perspective. But since we humans are complex beings, everyone has their strengths and good points. Even if he is not particularly friendly towards us. Sometimes we just have to look for it a little.

Tip 3: Be generous with praise and appreciation

It is clear to all of us that children should be praised when they do something well. In professional life, too, praise and appreciation from colleagues or superiors has demonstrably positive effects on our performance and motivation. It's just that we tend to forget to praise our partners from time to time and to express our appreciation.

If we have the good sides of our partner in mind, then we should communicate this again and again. A statement like: "You really are the best! ”Is a good start. It is better, however, if we are our partner say exactly what we like about it. For example:

I thought it was really great how persistent and level-headed you remained with the car dealer who did not want to carry out the repairs as a guarantee. So we have no additional costs with the car!”

Such a statement shows our partner that he has positive qualities that we value. He feels that we perceive him, respect him and that he is important to us. If we do this for a few weeks, we will with some likelihood see our partner expressing more praise and appreciation towards us again. If he doesn't, we shouldn't be afraid to ask for it. This may seem a bit strange to us, but we can calmly express that we simply lack the appreciation and the feeling of being important to our partner.

Tip 4: The positive interactions with your partner should predominate

It happens to all of us in everyday relationships that we criticize our partner, start an unnecessary argument, yell at him, condemn, devalue or even insult him. All of these are negative interactions. Against that should positive interactions are always more common than negative interactions. Positive interactions are for example:

  • to apologize
  • admit a mistake
  • to make a compliment
  • express appreciation and appreciation
  • to express praise
  • surprise the partner
  • common leisure activities
  • a romantic candlelit meal
  • pamper your partner
  • hug and kiss the partner
  • to make a present

The reason for this is that we remember negative experiences more strongly than positive ones. This means that if we have insulted our partner, for example, we cannot make amends with a simple apology. The American psychologist Dr. For decades, John Gottman researched the stability of couple relationships. He found out that five positive interactions with our partner exactly compensates for a negative interaction. This 5: 1 ratio is known as the "Gottman constant". Happy couples who are long-term satisfied with their partnership often interact with one another intuitively in this relationship. Of course, it is not always possible to keep this ratio exactly. However, it is important that the positive interactions clearly predominate in the long term. Pay careful attention to it for a few weeks!

Tip 5: speak in the "I-form"

If our partnership is about wishes, needs, criticism or conflicts, we should talk to our partner in the "first person" if possible. If we use the I-form, we express our beliefs and feelings without attacking and judging our partner. Our focus is on ourselves. Our partner can understand us so much better and relate to us. Talking in the first person saves us a lot of pointless arguments. We can of course add a request in the you form.

Examples of the first-person form

  1. I would like to go on vacation to the sea next year! I find the mountains are slowly becoming less attractive.“
  2. I am getting scared at this rate!Would you please drive a little slower?“
  3. I can do it always very close to picking up the children from school! That stresses me out total! Couldn't you do that?“

Communication in the you form, on the other hand, harbors a lot of potential for controversy if we don't want to express praise and recognition or make a request. In the you form, we often attack our partner, want to blame him, blame him, devalue, patronize or insult him.

Examples of the you form

  1. Do you want in the mountains again on your next vacation? Gripe like a mountain goat can you but already!“
  2. You drive too fast! Do you want kill us?“
  3. You can pick up the children from school too! Or do you think, this is my job alone?“

Even in the first person, the sound makes the music

As a rule, we get there faster in our relationship and with fewer arguments. Every statement in the you-form can be converted into the first-person form. But even when we communicate in the first person, we should try to use a calm and friendly tone. If we make our statements irritably or even aggressively, the effect will be far less or not at all.

No statements in the "pseudo-ego form"

The pseudo-I-form contains hidden you-messages! We often start with the first person, but actually want to make a destructive you statement to our partner! Statements in the pseudo ego form have the same effect as the pure you form: They attack our partner and he / she will only defend, justify, reject the guilt, be offended and so on. Here are a few examples:

  1. I think the problem is that you so selfish!“
  2. I'm so frustrated because you do not care about our relationship at all!“
  3. I would like to have a little more time for myself but you you don't think it's necessary to take on the tiresome housework from time to time!“

Practice creates masters

There are people who express their wishes, their needs or their criticism towards their partner in the first person without having to think about it. Most people don't, however. It is therefore advisable and one of the best relationship tips ever to practice speaking in the first person! You will find that it is not that easy at all. But it is very worthwhile to try this form of communication again and again. If your relationship is strained by poor communication, you should also consider having regular dialogues with your partner. In dialogues, speaking in the first person is a central component.

Tip 6: criticize, but do it right!

Nobody likes to be criticized. However, criticism is very important in a partnership, yes, it is essential. If we always accept certain behaviors of our partner, although we dislike them, we will become increasingly angry with our partner. The other way around, our partner sees no need to change anything in his behavior. Often times, it is not even clear to him / her which behavior triggers negative feelings in us. Practicing criticism properly is therefore also one of the important relationship tips.
However, we should handle criticism very sparingly and with caution. Under no circumstances should we criticize our partner's behavior for every little thing, but only when a change in behavior is really important to us. Many couples come to a point in their relationship where they both think that their partner's behavior is to blame for their relationship problems. And consequently, if the partner only changed their behavior, there would be no more problem. We then run the risk that criticizing will or has already become a habit. The problem with this is: a partner who is more criticized than acceptedand loved feels, will sooner or later unhappily withdraw and distance itself. At worst, he'll break up. We should therefore only practice criticism sparingly and carefully so that our partner does not feel offended.

Criticism should always be constructive

Criticizing constructively means that we help our partner to do something better or to develop personally. Ideally, we formulate constructive criticism in the "I form" and avoid the "you form" so that our partner does not feel unnecessarily attacked. Otherwise our partner will only defend himself instead of showing insight and we end up in an exchange of blows! If we first tell our partner what or what behavior we like about him / her before we get to our point of criticism, it is often easier for him / her to accept our criticism. If we send praise ahead of our criticism, our partner doesn't get the feeling that he / she is being criticized as a person or that we just want to pick on him / her. Constructive criticism is always directed against a certain behavior and not against the person himself. It also knows no generalizations such as: "always do you do this! "Or"Never Do you do that! ”Since generalizations almost never correspond to the truth, they only trigger the feeling in our partner that they are being treated unfairly. On the contrary, destructive criticism only serves to blame, devalue or even hurt our partner. Here are a few examples:

Destructive criticismConstructive criticism
You always spend so much money on useless things! No wonder we can never afford a great vacation!“I would like to go on vacation to .... next year. For that we would have to save ... euros every month. I think it would be great if the expenses for your hobbies would not exceed .... euros per month. Then we can easily achieve this goal! What do you think about?“
You never do anything in the house, it always sticks to me. The main thing is that the gentleman is comfortable.“I would like you to take over the vacuuming and garbage disposal on a regular basis! I know you have a busy job. But I also work and all the household chores are really a strain on me!“
Why are you using the blunt knife to cut bread again? Don't you notice that you tear the bread more than you cut it? Gosh, you really can't even cut a slice of bread properly!“I think it would be better if you used the knife with the red handle to cut bread. It has a sharp serrated edge and the slices are cut nice and clean!“

You cannot influence how your partner reacts to criticism

No matter how hard we try to criticize our partner constructively and gently, we ultimately have no influence on how our criticism is received. It is perfectly normal that people who are criticized usually defend themselves. Depending on how well or badly our partner can handle criticism, we should respond with reactions such as:

  • immediate counter-criticism as an attack
  • Rejection of our person
  • Justifications
  • Be offended
  • Be sad or even depressed

calculate. Nevertheless, we should offer justified and constructive criticism in order to be able to change something for the better.

Tip 7: hold back on unsolicited advice

Why should we hold back on unsolicited advice? We are only helpful when we explain to our partner how something would be better. Especially since we know how something works and are of course right. When our partner in a certain matter Asks for our advice or we know from experience that he / she values ​​our advice, advice is not a problem. Provided that we can also accept advice ourselves and not just give it.
However, if we are constantly giving advice to our partner alone, we really just want him / her to do things our own "right" way. Under this circumstance, the balance in the relationship gets seriously out of whack, as we are actually constantly criticizing our partner unnoticed. However, a relationship is not primarily about our partner doing things the way we ourselves see fit. Rather, we should give our partner the Allow room for mistakes so that he / she can learn from them and develop further.

Tip 8: listen carefully

For some reason we find it easier to talk than to listen. At least in our couple relationship (we are often more willing to listen to friends and colleagues). Maybe we just think that talking is more important because talking can give us more influence. Perhaps we are afraid of hearing certain things or that our partner keeps reeling down the "same story". However: Listening to our partner attentively is just as important as talking yourself. A partner to whom we listen attentively again and again feels that we have noticed and understood. We show our partner a strong emotional presence and signal: Now I'm only there for you! Listening creates closeness and connection.

Listen to disagreements

We often find it difficult to listen, especially when there are differences of opinion, because our need to communicate and to be heard and understood ourselves is greater than to listen to our partner. We then get into a certain defensive position. For the sake of fruitful communication, however, we should better give up this defensive attitude and listen carefully to our partner. What we want to say ourselves, we can get rid of later. That means:

  • We let our partner finish speaking and do not interrupt him / her
  • We ask when we don't understand something properly
  • We refrain from comments and statements

Listening to our partner's personal problems

When our partner wants to talk about a personal problem, we tend to have two behaviors:

  1. We want to find solutions for our partner
  2. We think we know how our partner feels

Suggested solutions are well-intentioned in this situation, but are out of place. Unless our partner asks us to. Especially men who think very solution-oriented quickly have solutions to their partner's problem that are not even asked for. You do this with the best of intentions because, according to logic, your partner will be better off once her problem is resolved. The communicating partner is more concerned with being able to talk about the "problem" from her soul and being heard. Suggested solutions block listening and can make you feel like you are not noticed in the relationship and that you are isolated. The next time you want to propose solutions without a specific request, you should keep this in mind. Realize that not every problem needs to be solved immediately. If you really have a good idea how to solve a problem, you can suggest this in the second or third conversation about this problem. It would be ideal, however, if we give our partner the space to solve his problem on his own.

We usually want to be able to fully understand our partner's situation when he tells us his story. We then say something like:

I know exactly how you feel! It was similar for me back then.“

No we don't know. We can't even know, every personal situation is far too complex for that. Even if our partner's situation is very similar to a situation we have experienced, he will judge it differently and develop different feelings than we do. If we tell our partner that we know exactly how he feels, he will be more likely to fail feel relaxed. In addition, with such a statement we draw attention to ourselves and push the problem of our partner into the background. At best, we can only guess how our partner really feels with a particular problem. Better is a reaction like:

I can't understand exactly how you feel. What you say sounds bad to me. I want you to know that I am there for you. If there is anything I can do for you please tell me! “

A statement of this kind does justice to the special situation of our partner and gives him the certainty that he is not alone with his problem. Listening carefully is one of the greatest gifts you can give your partner and a real token of love! Listening carefully is therefore one of the best relationship tips you can give.

I can't hear that lyre anymore

Let's assume that our partner has a problem with his colleague. Again and again and again he describes his annoying situation at work to us. After listening to his story for the eighth time, we get tired of the subject. Perhaps we will begin to evade this conversation. Or maybe we will tell our partner that we can no longer hear this story. Perhaps we will also give the "good" advice to finally do something about this untenable situation with your colleague. None of this will be well received. However, we can also ask our partner about their specific problem once or twice:

Hello darling, it was so bad with your colleague again today?“

Even if this idea seems unbearable to you now and you are afraid of opening Pandora's box: ask exactly what you actually do not want to hear. Also ask for details. You will see that your partner's need to keep talking about their problematic situation will decrease significantly!

Tip 9: Proximity cannot be forced

At the beginning of our relationship, different needs for closeness and distance are not an issue. We could be with our partner around the clock and do and share everything with them. But after the end of the first phase of being in love, most couples slowly realize that one partner wants more closeness and the other wants more distance. This imbalance is a central conflict in many relationships, from which the partner who seeks more closeness in particular suffers. In doing so, we often unconsciously even choose a partner whose need for closeness is fundamentally different from ours: someone who has problems allowing trusting closeness is usually afraid of his independence and accordingly attaches great importance to this. He is usually more distant in relationships, but has a preference for partners who can quickly trust and get involved. Conversely, people who have a strong need for closeness and close relationships find independent and self-reliant partners attractive. The reason for this is that our partner is often supposed to add in the part of us that we believe we lack! In the extreme case, a "clerk" has a partner who is afraid of attachment. What seems attractive to us at first, however, often proves to be explosive in the course of the relationship.

The need for closeness and distance is different in certain situations

Our need for closeness or distance is also influenced by factors such as stress, anger and fear. When we are sick, we may want to be left alone. If our partner is sick, he / she would like to be cared for. If we are stressed at work, we may seek closer proximity to our partner, who in the same situation, however, tends to desire distance and be alone. If we as a couple are in a financial crisis, it may also be that we have an increased need to speak, but our partner is more likely to seek retreat in order to develop a solution strategy on his own. We should always take these different needs into account.

Don't try to change your partner

If we live with a partner who, in our opinion, is often too distant, we tend to turn them over to them to harassto satisfy our need for closeness. The result is usually that of our partner just more distant. We feel rejected and sometimes see our partner's distance as a rejection of our person. Perhaps we are also worried about our relationship because we see the desire for space as a sign of an impending relationship crisis. Constant distance from a partner can indicate a relationship crisis, but it doesn't have to be! Pressing and distancing oneself are two patterns of behavior that are neither good nor bad, neither right nor wrong. They are mutually dependent and are completely normal. But this realization doesn't help us if we generally long for more closeness. Nor does it help us to ask our partner to open up more. The criticism that he / she cannot deal with his / her feelings and cannot stand closeness is also of little help. The frequent reaction of withdrawing behind a wall of icy and repellent cold, when our partner reacts to our efforts for closer proximity with even more distance, also does not lead to anything positive. Proximity can simply not be forced!

So what to do Have we perhaps even chosen the wrong partner and should it be better to part if our need for more closeness is always being met unsatisfactorily? No, a breakup should only be the very last resort! There is hardly a relationship in which both partners have pretty much the same ideas and needs for closeness and distance. If we want to be closer to our partner, we must first accept that our partner works differently than we do on this issue. We cannot change our partner! Neither can we turn a cat into a dog. However, we can change our own behavior to shift the closeness-distance balance in favor of closer proximity. To do this, we have to give up our "persecution mode", in which we always find ourselves when our partner feels oppressed by our desire for more closeness. Typically this is the case when:

  • we are constantly looking for close proximity to our partner
  • we seek physical closeness much more often than our partner
  • we urge or demand that our partner communicate emotionally
  • we criticize our partner for his distance
  • we want to constantly discuss things

We should withdraw more with these behaviors, because a distressed partner only withdraws more. If, on the other hand, we give our partner more space, he will most likely come to us on his own initiative. If this happens, we can encourage him to talk more about himself. Encourage, not pressure! Incidentally, men find it much more difficult to communicate their emotional life. This is less due to a lack of male willingness, but rather to the communication cells in our brain. In contrast to men, women have many more of these cells responsible for emotions. When it comes to expressing feelings verbally, men are already physically disadvantaged.

When it is difficult for us, our partner Not in the form described to harass, it is very helpful to focus more on ourselves. We create more distance to our partner through activities with friends without a partner, our own hobbies or new professional challenges. In most cases, our partner will want (again) more closeness and get closer. However, if he / she remains completely aloof, we should put our relationship to the test.

Tip 10: Be respectful and demand respect

Every now and then it happens that we treat our partner disrespectfully or even insult them. This usually happens when we are in a bad mood ourselves, argue with our partner or are under great stress. If we become aware of our behavior and we contribute to making amends through positive interactions, an occasional slip is usually not a problem. In partnerships with many unresolved conflicts and endless arguments, however, disrespectful interaction can develop into a fixed behavior pattern. Frequent disrespect is poison for the relationship. If we are prone to disrespectful behavior, we should ask our partner at an appropriate moment to end the conversation and point out our behavior to us if there is repeated disrespect.

Conversely, we should demand that we treat ourselves with respect when our partner treats us like the biggest failure or the last fool. We should stop communication in this situation immediately and point out to our partner that we will only talk to him / her again when the necessary respect is required. If there is no other way, we should also leave the room or apartment.

Tip 11: argue properly

There is hardly any relationship without an argument and occasional arguments are perfectly normal. But controversy is also a double-edged sword. On the one hand, arguments are important to clarify certain situations, to create more closeness again, to break out of the routine of everyday relationships and to warn us that something may be wrong in our relationship. On the other hand, long-term arguments in particular can be very destructive and put a strain on or even destroy the partnership. To argue properly (to learn) is a weighty one among the relationship tips! Whether an argument is constructive or destructive depends above all on Why we argue and how we argue!

If there is a dispute over differences of opinion in the partnership, it is often difficult for us to remain fair and calm. A dispute situation is characterized above all by the emotional excitement and a more aggressive attitude. We quickly attack our partner with accusations, general criticism, generalizations or an inappropriate tone of voice. However, so that a dispute does not escalate and lead to a satisfactory result, it is important that we stay with ourselves during the dispute. That means we talk in the first person, refrain from accusations, make no sweeping judgments, listen and also compromise. In short, we should refrain from attacking and hurting our partner. Otherwise he / she will defend himself / herself or launch a counterattack. The result would be a destructive dispute that ends in a dead end.

Agree on rules of dispute with your partner

If a constructive dispute is difficult to succeed in our relationship, we can establish rules of dispute together with our partner. Dispute rules are very helpful in creating a fruitful argument that doesn't escalate. If one partner breaks a rule, the other draws his / her attention to it. It is easier for some arguers to adhere to the rules if they hang up the agreed rules in a clearly visible manner. A common set of rules could look like this, for example:

  1. A dispute is only started over a specific cause.
  2. The subject of the dispute must be important to at least one partner.
  3. Everyone tries to stay calm. (From a pulse of 95 beats per minute, our body is put into an escape or attack mode, which destroys any constructive communication)
  4. If a partner starts screaming, the argument will be interrupted until he has calmed down.
  5. Criticism, accusations and accusations are omitted.
  6. Even in a dispute, we maintain respect for our partner.
  7. If you don't talk, you listen to your partner and let them finish speaking.
  8. We admit mistakes and apologize.
  9. We try to find compromises.
  10. The dispute is not broken off until there is a solution or reconciliation.

Long-term quarrels usually have different backgrounds than we think

Often there are reasons behind repeated disputes that we are often not even aware of: If we argue with our partner again because he leaves his clothes lying around everywhere, we believe that the issue is order. However, this is only superficially the case. In fact, we keep arguing about disorder because we believe that our partner does not respect our desire for order and shows us disregard through his ignorance. Otherwise he would put his things away. We take the clothes lying around personally! But it is not at all the intention of our partner to deny us respect and appreciation. Usually, order is only less important to him and fulfilling all our wishes in everyday relationships is not that easy. The solution to the problem could be to calmly tell our partner at a suitable moment that we feel very uncomfortable with disorder and that his behavior gives the impression that we are not important enough to him and that we do not feel respected in the relationship. This is how our partner is most likely to understand us and be ready to change their behavior. Alternatively, we could also see that the clothes lying around are based on our partner's poor sense of order and he doesn't want to annoy us. If we manage to no longer take the mess personally, we can simply put things away without getting angry or angry. Constant nagging or accusations, on the other hand, bring absolutely nothing, except fruitless arguments that do not lead to a solution.

We fight sometimes also with our partner, around simply To exercise power. In this case, the dispute serves as an instrument to enforce an interest that is actually not that important to us. It's all about winning the argument with our partner. Power struggles occur in all relationships. Often they are hidden. As long as we can give in and don't have to "win" at any cost, the balance of power is in balance and power games are usually not a problem. But if one partner or both partners always want to win, we get caught in a spiral of conflict, ours Ruin relationship. If we tend to always want to have the upper hand in our relationship, we should pause for a moment and ask ourselves whether it is more important to us to have a harmonious and loving partnership or to gain power.

discontent in a partnership also quickly leads to fruitless quarrels. Instead of clearly expressing our wishes and needs, we quickly start arguing on sometimes trivial occasions. We may want more attention than our partner is giving us. Then we sometimes see no other way than to fight for the lack of attention. Here it helps us if we learn to be friendly to our partner and without reproach accept, what we ourselves of him and our relationship to wish. This is the only way he / she has the chance to respond to our wishes.

Our partnership can also be one in general Lack of emotionality and we really only argue to elicit feelings from our partner. We would rather accept negative outbursts of emotion than not feel any emotions at all. A similar motivation for arguments can also provide us with boredom and sadness in the relationship. As a result, we look for a quarrel in order to create stimuli again or to set new impulses. For some couples, arguments even work as a relationship stimulator, for others it doesn't.

Quarrel can also continue to be a means to emotional distance to accomplish. For example, we need emotional distance when we feel too constricted in a relationship, when we are afraid of closeness, or when we feel guilty about having an affair. But controversy can also act as a Distraction strategy serve. For example, when we want to distract from personal problems. By attacking the partner, we can direct the focus on him / her as a precaution. This is the least likely way of confronting our real problem.

If we often quarrel in our relationship without finding a solution, we should first consider whether other reasons than the cause of the dispute are the cause and eliminate them if possible. In this way, many unnecessary disputes can be avoided in advance.

Tip 12: pursue common goals

We usually have enough personal goals. But what about the goals that we share with our partner? Wanting to achieve common goals as a couple means "pulling together". Common goals are a kind of relationship kit, research has shown. Relationships in which the partners pursue common goals are more stable and long-lasting than relationships in which there are no common goals. It doesn't matter whether it's the big goals like owning a house, having children, starting a business, emigrating together or smaller goals like a dream vacation, a dance class or the restoration of an old mobile home. It is only important that the realization takes place together. Completed tasks and milestones promote the feeling of belonging together and mutual exchange. Successful experiences are associated with the partner. We perceive ourselves as partners not only as a couple, but also as a functioning team.

Tip 13: create common rituals

Job, household, children and other obligations - our everyday life is usually full of things that want and have to be done. We are happy to save time when we are together as partners. A mistake, because every couple also needs time for themselves. Common recurring rituals are a very good way to regularly spend quality time alone with our partner.Rituals strengthen the bond with our partner and create closeness. However, rituals should not be perceived as an annoying compulsory event or a boring procedure. If this is the case with a ritual, it is obsolete and we should find a new one instead! We can turn everything that is fun for both of us into a ritual, for example:

  • Cooking together on Sundays
  • go to the cinema, theater, concert once a month
  • A walk in the evening (it is easy to talk)
  • eat together regularly
  • a "cozy evening" on the couch or in bed

Tip 14: If you change your behavior, your relationship will change

Congratulations, you've worked your way through all of the previous relationship tips. Maybe now the thought creeps up on you:

These relationship tips are all well and good. But what good is all of this to me if only I heed the tips and my partner doesn't?

It is certainly ideal when both partners are ready and determined to improve their mutual relationship. With these relationship tips, you now have the desire and ideas to give your partnership new impulses. Suggest to your partner that the two of you can develop your relationship more positively together. Maybe you show him / her this side one day. If your partner does not want to go into this, then start on your own by implementing the tips that make the most sense for your situation. Always remember: you cannot change another person if he does not want to! But if you change your behavior, you change your relationship too! Because your changes always cause changes in your partner. This is an irrevocable law of the couple dynamics. So have courage and start to change something! You can only win.