Is it weird to compliment a girl?
Why we always react so stupidly to compliments and how it can be done better
When was the last time you got a compliment? And more importantly, how did you react to that? Maybe like this?
"Oh, I think so, the color makes me pale."
"You wrote that poem really well!"
"What? That thing? Oh, not worth mentioning. The idea didn't even come from me."
Does that sound familiar?
It's just a tiny word and yet many girls and women find it so difficult to pronounce it. We are talking about the word 'thank you'!
Sure, when someone gives us a gift, we say 'thank you'. Even if someone helps us with something, we dutifully say 'thank you'. Because that's how we learned it. But what if someone compliments us? Do we just say 'thank you'?
Author Michelle Cove (Huffingtonpost.com) took a closer look at this question and noticed that after a certain age girls start to devalue compliments. For example, she praised her daughter for her great science project at school. The little one replied: "Thank you, but have you already seen Christine's project? It's unbelievable!" Instead of simply accepting the praise, the little one preferred to draw attention to her friend. Not an isolated case.
Almost all women react the same way
If you watch girls and women how they react to compliments, the answers almost always follow the same pattern. If you say to a woman: "I think your curls are so beautiful!" The answer is probably: "Oh really? No, they're annoying. I'd rather have great straight hair like you!"
Michelle Cove explains, "You can tell even the most successful, modern woman how smart you think she is, or how great her new jeans look. She'll likely tell you what she was embarrassing about yesterday and how big her bum is." Jeans looks like. " Does that sound familiar to you?
'Fishing for Compliments' will be screaming out loud by some! But there is actually much more to it than that. Women obviously have a problem with being publicly confronted with being better than others. Even if they like to hear a compliment and know inside that it is true, they cannot show it to the outside world.
The reason: They don't want to step out of line, but rather fit into their social environment. That is why women are meticulous to ensure that no statement puts them in any way higher than their friends or colleagues. That could come across as arrogant and from an early age we were told that arrogance is bad! So instead of simply saying 'thank you', women prefer to dismiss a compliment or instead pay a compliment to others.
Nobody wants to come across as arrogant
Actually, this behavior is nice. And social. So what speaks against it? Quite simply: if we do not admit to ourselves that we have done something well, how are others supposed to recognize it? Confidence is the key to success! How we see ourselves affects everything we do and think. Why do we take the wind out of our sails when we should actually catch every gust and really pick up speed?
But easier said than done. It is very difficult for us to get rid of the behavior that we have internalized for years. Almost automatically we get into a shameful defensive position when someone says something nice to us. That is why it is said: practice, practice, practice! If we catch ourselves downplaying a nicely meant compliment again: Stop! A simple 'thank you' is enough!
And that's exactly what we should teach our children to do early enough. So if you watch your daughter evade a compliment, take her aside for a quiet moment and tell her why it is okay to accept a compliment. Every girl, every woman, every person should be confident enough to say: I'm great? Thanks!
A 'thank you' is enough
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