How can we control our emotions

Control emotions: it doesn't work the way you think it works

Who does not know that? Our emotions get in the way.

  • We see an interesting person and don't speak to him - out of fear.
  • We have a really important presentation and we keep getting tangled because we're excited.
  • We say unjust things that we don't mean - out of anger.
  • We do not stand by our needs and do not stand up for our values ​​- out of a sense of shame.

Whatever it is, our emotions can sometimes make life difficult for us. I can understand anyone who likes to be there Control emotions and in which the desire arises not to have to feel them and to want to suppress the emotions.

Doesn't it sound tempting? No longer to be afraid to approach the opposite sex, to play down presentations confidently and to always act in a controlled and prudent manner even in an argument.
For me at least it is.

The good news is there is a way to get there. However, it leads Not by wanting to control one's emotions or even suppress them.

Table of Contents: This is what awaits you in this article

Control emotions: Getting to know yourself better gives you real freedom

We really want to live more freely and not be so strongly controlled by our emotions, then we can start today to really deal intensively and in detail with our feelings.

We are allowed to take more time to get to know ourselves and to build a new, profound relationship with ourselves. This works by meeting ourselves more carefully again and fully feeling and allowing our feelings - instead of wanting to suppress the emotions.

We humans have developed an infinite number of ways to control our emotions.

Some rush headlong into work and numb so their relationship with themselves, while others completely deny themselves and hang in front of the computer or television for hours. Others drink alcohol and use drugs just for those fucking emotions not having to feel so strongly anymore.

Suppressing feelings is of little use

But these methods only work for a short time. In the long term, they lead to the fact that we eat our frustration, our anger and our fears into us and they affect us in the form of constant malaise, tension or, in the long term, even illnesses.

I am convinced that the majority of all illnesses in humans have some spiritual cause. It tells us that now is enough and that we need to turn our attention a little more to ourselves again. But that's a topic for another blog post.

The aim here is why it makes no sense to want to control emotions and how we can learn to deal with our emotions in a positive, healthy and sustainable manner.

Come to terms with your emotions

In order to learn to deal sensibly with our emotions, the first step is to trust ourselves to give them more attention again.

That sounds completely counterproductive at first.

We want to get rid of them and have even thought about controlling or even suppressing the emotions. Why should I pay more attention to them?

We want to learn to pay attention to our emotions in a different way than we have previously done.

So far, most of us have had two extremes.

Either we let ourselves be drawn into a vortex of emotions and were exposed to them without protection. Like a flag in the wind.

Or we lived the other extreme: we closed down and tried to feel as little as possible. Both methods are not really a conscious and effective way of dealing with our emotions and, on top of that, lead to the fact that we become more and more distant from ourselves.

The Golden middle

There are, however a third optionto deal with one's emotions. A much more constructive and conscious way. Which is to take a step back and watch our emotions.

It's about seeing the emotions, feeling them without evaluating them. We just want to let them be there, we want to give them space so that they can pass by when we have seen and appreciated them.

Because it's not the emotion itself that makes us feel bad, but our evaluation of the emotion. Only when we resist the emotion, only when we fight against it and want to suppress or control the emotion by all means, does real suffering arise.

Feel emotions on a physical level

If, on the other hand, we feel our emotions on a more physical level, then we are better able to deal with them.

Let's take the example of fear.

The next time you feel anxious, stay mindful. Instead of letting yourself be carried away by the roaring interpretation rage in your head and drowning in the wild chatter, pause for a moment. Use this moment to get back into your body.

  • Focus on how your fear feels in your body.
  • Feel your pressure on your chest.
  • Focus on the tightness in your throat.

Always without putting a mental stamp on the whole thing. Just look at you only the physical effects without letting your head give them any meaning.

Rate nothing

When you learn this, your emotions lose a lot of control over you.

You can now be aware and mindful and perceive the feelings for what they are. Sensations on a physical level. If you leave your ratings behind you, you leave your suffering behind. Do you stop putting emotions in "Well" or "bad" then you will be able to take your life into your own hands again.

If you accept your emotions on a physical level and stop resisting them, you increase your self-esteem and yours Self acceptance.

As soon as you can feel and accept the full range of your emotions, a whole new way of accessing yourself opens up. You will rediscover yourself on a completely different, very interesting level and thus build a much deeper relationship with yourself.

Practice creates masters

Emotions can be very strong at times. Sometimes it is not that easy not to get carried away and to remain present. In order to remain mindful even in these difficult situations, I recommend practicing mindfulness daily.

If you learn to be in the here and now in everyday situations instead of in your dream world in your head, then you are preparing yourself for the "Case of emergency" before, when emotions really start to come towards you.

If we return to our body again and again every day and just feel into ourselves for a short time, then we develop a new approach to ourselves.

It can extremely exciting be able to look into our body and recognize what is going on there. Step by step we learn to evaluate less and less and to feel more and more. In addition, we learn not to evaluate so much anymore, but rather to let the sensations be there.

(In this article about mindfulness exercises there is a whole lot of suggestions on how you can live more mindfully and easily return to your body several times a day.)

Just let your emotions out

Many of us were taught in childhood that it is not good to be open about certain feelings. This then results in our urge to die Control emotions to want.

But suppressing feelings like anger or sadness does not make them disappear from our lives. We only banish them into the depths of our body and lose access to them.

There they get stuck and cause chronic tension, stomach problems and later on worse. It can be extremely helpful to just give expression to these feelings. By the way, that doesn't mean that every time we get angry, we yell at our partner and friends and let everything out.

The first step is always to fully accept the emotion on a physical level.

When the emotions are felt and accepted, we can let them out too. Feel your emotions and hold them back for as long as you have to. But then find a place where you can just let them out.

When you are deeply saddened, it can help a lot to just cry heartily. If you are indescribably angry, then go into the forest and scream out the anger.

Here is a small excerpt from the article:

“If it is acute, go to an empty room and shout there. If you live in a rental house, you can also scream into a pillow to provide soundproofing. But you can also just go to your neighbors and say: “I will do special voice training for the next few weeks and months. It can happen that I will scream. So don't be alarmed. "

Go your way

Suppressing your emotions and trying to control your emotions makes perfect sense. Only the way there is different from what many people imagine. It is a path to oneself. We approach the feelings with open arms and welcome them. We make friends with them and let them be there. After all, they have a lot to tell us and we learn a lot from them.

Especially about ourselves.

But above all we want to invite positive feelings into our lives. I don't know anyone who wants to feel bad all the time. I think it is a fundamental pursuit of every human being to feel good and to live in harmony with oneself. But how do we bring good feelings into our lives?

It is very effective to influence one's mental images. Because feelings often arise from the fact that some horror movies are playing in our head. Often completely without us even being aware of it.

If you visually imagine how you will lose your job, your partner will leave you and you will have to be hapless and leave your existence until the end of your life, then of course it does not make you feel good.

When your inner critic goes crazy again and tries with all his might to prevent you from creating the life of your dreams. If he tells you you can’t do anything, you’re nothing and you will never get anything done.

mental images

It is really worthwhile to influence your own mental images. We have to imagine something anyway and talk to ourselves in some way. Why don't we decide for ourselves how it should be? I hardly think that you really consciously chose these horror visions. They happened to you at some point. That means they don't belong to you and they have much less to do with reality.

Look the other way around: If you have many in your life "Proofs" find that your thoughts and inner monologues correspond to reality. Is it possible that it is because your thoughts created the circumstances of your life and not the other way around.

That would then mean: The moment you change the way you think, your life changes too. In this moment you are forming your new reality. That would also mean that positive thinking suddenly becomes very real and very effective.

From today on, if all you think about is what you want, then you will get it. The only reason you haven't got a lot of things in your life so far is because you either don't believe you can achieve them, or just think about it, what you don't want.

One of the easiest ways to really feel good about yourself is by yourself good mental pictures close. This takes a little willpower and discipline in the beginning, but is quickly left in your flesh and blood. At some point it will be more difficult for you to maintain your old mental images.

You will feel uncomfortable with it. You will wonder how you could have done this to yourself for such a long time in your life.

You can also actively work on your self-esteem in order to feel better.

That leads to the fact that you like yourself more, that you more authentic and more confident and that you never again feel the urge to suppress emotions or to want to control emotions.

You accept all emotions in your life and at the same time you care deeply about that you feel good

/ 7 comments / by Tim Hamer