What did you feel after being fondled
What do you think of me today 29 questions for my ex-boyfriend
When I was 23, I had a one-night stand that would last for five years. I went on a skiing holiday with three school friends. We were all single at the time, two of us had recently been abandoned. During the day we sang together loudly on the way to the slopes never ever from the All Saints from the lift and danced on the tables of the après-ski huts in the evenings. On the evening before last, I saw someone I liked in such a hut. I gathered up all my drunken courage and strutted over to him in my ski pants. In my vaguely fuzzy memory, we kissed before we exchanged names.
All of us picked up someone we wanted to sleep with that evening, so we - drunk as we were - had to get together for a strategy meeting just before driving home. How should all the guys fit into our one bedroom chalet? A friend took possession of the bathroom, I reserved the couch and a third moved selflessly into the closet as she was. The fourth in the bunch stayed somewhere else. The next morning I gave the guy my number without him asking for it. We made loose arrangements to meet again in London.
Three years later, he and I were sitting next to each other on the plane. We were on our way to the USA, where a new phase of life was about to begin. At this point we lived together, shared a large group of friends, and were deeply rooted in each other's family life. There had been moments in the course of our relationship when I was unsure. But whenever these thoughts arose, shortly afterwards we had incredibly happy phases and beautiful moments again. We were never the couple who talked for hours late into the night. At the time, that was exactly my idea of true love.
Our partnership was loving and relaxing, the physical attraction between us remained strong. In retrospect, I think I always tried to get more from him than he could give me. Somehow I got the feeling that the decision to leave together could have been wrong, because suddenly there was a lack of friends and family who had usually filled the gap between us. 18 months later, five years after the night at the chalet, I ended our relationship in a way that I regret today. I didn't know what I wanted, and so the breakup dragged on uncomfortably.
He was angry with me long after the breakup. It's been three years since our relationship ended, and I was expecting a rejection when I emailed him to answer 29 extremely personal questions about our relationship that I would then use for an article. Surprisingly, he said yes. For days I was afraid of getting brutal answers from him. When his response came in, I was surprised a second time, because obviously I had underestimated him.
1. Describe the night we met.
I can't, I was way too drunk. It was in a bar in the French Alps and I'd had too much rum. All I remember is that when we first kissed you, I pressed you against the wall in a very inappropriative manner.
2. What did you think of me at the beginning?
I didn't understand you at all. I still remember how I thought you were so cool and mysterious that you should have come from another world. For some reason that I really can't describe, I got the idea that you weren't going to take a shower. Not because you were unsanitary, but because you were so calm and serene that I just couldn't imagine you doing something as mundane as a shower. Okay so it's obviously impossible to explain.
3. When do you think we were happiest together?
Probably in the middle of our relationship, when we were together for two and a half years and moved into our first apartment together. I was sure it would last forever.
4. What is your favorite memory of me?
To cuddle in bed with you every night. I couldn't have wanted anywhere better than there with you. And this one time when we were about to run somewhere and you tripped and fell (lol).
5. When did it go wrong?
When we moved to America. We were in completely different phases professionally. You had just finished something and I started something. And then suddenly there were just two of us, no family, no friends, no work. That pulled us all down extremely.
6. Why do you think we broke up?
I couldn't be there for you when you went through a crisis with your family. Even after that, when you were stressed out. Some time later, you started texting regularly with two other men. In retrospect, I'm pretty sure you had emotional affairs with them. And you lied to me about it. We went on like this for a while and then you wanted a break from your relationship. In that you slept with one of the two and then came back to me. But emotionally you left me out afterwards. The real end came a month or two later. I know I did some bad things too - for example, I told your best friend's sister that she was boring. But that's how I remember the end of our relationship.
7. Describe the day we broke up.
We agreed to meet in a park. My cell phone battery was empty, so I walked around the park with a white magnum ice cream for a while. I was in no hurry to find you because I already knew why you wanted to meet me. When we got together, we sat down on the grass and talked and then you broke up. After that I didn't know where to go because I didn't have an apartment in London at the time. So I leaned against a tree and cried. Then I rode my bike back to my hotel room, but I was numb. Incidentally, I've never been to the park again.
8. How long did it take you to get over our separation?
Some things went faster, others will never go away. I will never be able to say, “Do you remember how we broke up? Maybe that was fun. ”But in short: 18 months.
9. What do you think of me today?
I made my peace. I don't wanna be your best friend But I couldn't do that with anyone I've been with for so long. This thing is just over and I can't imagine friendship would be good for us. But I wish you health, money, luck and lots of dogs.
10. How was I as a friend?
Overall, you were great. You could be very cool and distant and I often had the feeling that next to your family (understandable), friends (sometimes understandable) and work (come on) I was only the fifth wheel on the car. But I loved you very much, trusted you completely, and can't remember ever being mad at you. Perhaps more irritating. It was a lot of fun hanging out with you, you were funny and you always wanted to do something. Your family and friends were cool too. I was convinced that we would spend our lives together. We were a stable couple.
11. What are my best qualities?
Your sense of humor, your loyalty to friends and family. You are kind, work hard, are dutiful, generous and loving animals.
12. And my worst?
During the week at 11:30 p.m. to come around the corner with profound topics of conversation, only to not stick to what you said about yourself in the end anyway. You take work too seriously, you can't be alone and you are an aggressive driver.
13. What do you think was special about our relationship?
I had the feeling that you know me better than I do myself. I don't think it happens that often.
14. What did you learn from me about women?
Everything. I think before I met you I really didn't know anything about women.
15. And what have you generally learned from our relationship?
I became aware of how I imagine my work-life balance because I saw how much you work and how stressed you are. And how I want different family dynamics.
16. And what do you think I learned from you?
I often had the feeling that I had to teach you that a stress-free life is much more important and makes you happier than having a super successful career. But I'm not sure I managed to do that.
17. What do you think was missing from our sex life?
Did you think something was missing? I've always loved our sex, even when everything else around us has collapsed. Certainly you can always communicate more and be more adventurous.
18. How many times have you seriously thought about cheating on me?
I do not know. In any case, I never planned to cheat on you or go in that direction. The closest I got to that was when I fondled another woman while totally drunk. But that was just plain humiliating and I don't count that as cheating.
19. If we hadn't broken up then, do you think the relationship would have lasted?
IM not sure. Sure, we could have continued if we'd both really worked on the relationship. But I don't know if after everything that has happened we could have been as happy again as we were once.
20. Do you think you were a good friend?
Not for the first six months. I just didn't think about it and was an idiot. But when it got serious. At least I really tried.
21. If you could turn back time, what would you do differently today?
I would have fully supported you during and after the crisis that I already mentioned. And I would have gone to the gym, exercised my upper body, and fried your current boyfriend.
22. What did you do differently in the relationship after me?
I try to speak less nonsense and not be so annoying. I want to be more attentive and have greater support when I have to. Also, I haven't got my current girlfriend to go to sleep at ten on Saturdays because I have a soccer game at 2 p.m. the next day.
23. What did you tell your current girlfriend about me and our relationship?
I gossiped about you a bit and told her how we broke up that time on the night bus. I regret that a little. But beyond that, I didn't tell her anything because she never asked.
24. Who do you think has tried harder in our relationship, you or me?
Towards the end me. Before that, a little more you.
25. How did your family react to our separation?
You were sad. But I come from a big family, they have seen all kinds of things. So now I can't say that they were devastated.
Some of them were sure to be sad or disappointed. But you stayed in contact with them anyway and I am sure that they also knew that it was possible.
27. Describe how you would imagine a typical day at 35 if we'd stayed together.
We'd live in the country or in the suburbs and probably do a similar job because we've learned the same thing. We would have a dog and a cat who would be best friends. And a couple of babies. I would get up early, take the dog for a walk, and prepare dinner in the evening. Then by the time you came back from some cool event, it would already be on the table. We'd have another glass of wine outside or watch TV.
It's clear. You are not Jesus or Harry Kane now, you have already made mistakes. But so do I.
29. How does it feel to see me today?
It's comfortable and a little exciting. A bit like taking out your winter coat and finding a ten in your pocket. But over time it can get a little uncomfortable, as if the sun has come out again and you are standing there with the warm coat.
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