Have you ever seen your mother be naked

Finally a visit to the home: "My mother didn't recognize me anymore"

Ulrike, from Bremen-Nord:
"It's a really bad time for us at the moment. My mother fell off the stairs in February. She has dementia and my father has been sick for ten years. Then one thing led to another. My mother had to have an operation. An operation is very bad for dementia sufferers. She was delirious for over a week and it was clear that it would not go home. At the same time, my father had three hospital stays within a week. He has COPD. He then agreed that he too moves into the retirement home.

I was lucky enough to get a place for both of them in the same home. Everyone has a single room. I live in Bremen-Nord and it's a really great home that makes great efforts. To make it easier for them to get used to it, I went there every day, that was two weeks and then Corona came. Then we weren't even allowed to go overnight.

Then I first made sure that my father got at least a phone and we talked on the phone every day. Talking to my mother on the phone doesn't work, she can't do it any more. It was hell, I have to say that. I was only ever dependent on information from the nursing staff. They tried very, very hard and are still doing it - but they simply cannot replace our contact.

In my father's case, he also belonged to the war generation and was a Russian prisoner of war for five years and suffers from claustrophobia. He feels locked up. In addition, he is 93 years old and has beginning dementia. He no longer understood why I was not allowed to come.

Now when the easing came, I was allowed to go there once a week and saw both of them together for 45 minutes. My mother didn't recognize me anymore, it took a long time before she knew who I was and my father didn't understand why we weren't allowed to go into his room or the garden, why we had to sit there with a face mask. My mom cried a lot because I can't hold her in my arms. It's very, very difficult. I immediately cry. You can no longer explain it to them. You are in a phase where your head no longer understands.

My father is suffering from claustrophobia, he talks about being deprived of his liberty and he had to be admitted to the hospital because he was really crazy. And I can no longer explain that to my mom.

Psychologically, it's very difficult for me to come to terms with it. I also understand everything that has happened in the last few months and that it has to be. But a complete ban on contact over such a long period of time, I think that's a bit too much of a good thing. You could have started earlier with visits with masks or something. My impression is that politicians thought of the elderly and their relatives last.

At least there is now a little more relaxation so that I could go there for two hours a day. But when I've seen the last few weeks that the shopping centers are full and people are only complaining about their vacation - then I think: You don't even know what's going on in the world. I don't understand - I just want to hug my mom. "

(Interview from June 17, 2020)