Why do people like to hurt others

Why there is strength requires vulnerability to show

“What doesn't kill you makes you stronger” - a sentence that many of us heard early on and that has shaped our approach to life. I, too, believed for a long time that vulnerability was a weakness. Fortunately, life taught me better.

As I began to publicize my medical history, my self-doubts and my vulnerability, I received a wealth of valuable feedback from people who were similar to me. No wonder - we are all vulnerable after all. So why should we hide this? Our feelings are always right. They are a part of us that we shouldn't deny.

Our feelings are always right. They are a part of us that we shouldn't deny.

A conscious choice

Admitting my own vulnerability led me to be careful not to suppress or hide my negative feelings. I said to myself: "Yes, I want to be vulnerable, even if I run the risk of being disappointed or rejected. I consciously choose this authentic life full of ups and downs.

What we do to avoid getting hurt

Although both physical and emotional vulnerability are part of our nature, we like to try to hide this apparent weakness. The reason: none of us want to be hurt. Pain is also a bad thing. The avoidance strategy is then shown, for example, in the following scenarios:

  • When it comes to love, we wait for the other to take the first step so that we don't have to endure rejection.
  • We rarely ask for help as it would be an admission of inadequacy and vulnerability.
  • When we need encouragement, we don't say so because we know that saying no would not only cost us our pride but also hurt us.
  • We like to postpone essential questions in life, because answering them often involves looking deep inside. To where past injuries are hidden. Going back to them could be painful.

So we agree: It hurts to be vulnerable! It is therefore not surprising that we strive to avoid situations in which we could get hurt. But it is precisely this strategy that is often responsible for making us feel powerless, exposed or simply empty. While avoidance drains us of energy, authenticity and "self-honesty" can give us energy.

When we avoid getting hurt, we often feel powerless, exposed, or empty.

Why is it good to be vulnerable?

  • Vulnerability is the willingness to be honest with yourself. This is the only way to lead an authentic life.
  • Vulnerability means pursuing one's longings and desires despite the fear of disappointment or hurt. Taking the risk of getting hurt and in return getting the chance for fulfillment in life.
  • Vulnerability comes with honesty and dedication. Those who are vulnerable allow others a glimpse into themselves. This is the only way to create deep and honest relationships.
  • Vulnerability also means expressing one's hurt. So don't eat the pain into yourself. By living out the feelings, the pain can escape and internal blockages can be released.

3 impulses to be vulnerable, but not defenseless

  1. A healthy sense of self: Any kind of hurt or insult attacks our self-worth. When we are rejected, we almost always begin to doubt our worth. People whose self-esteem is very strong usually recover quickly from such a setback. Often the meta level helps them, i.e. looking at the painful situation from the outside. They find that the offense that has arisen has much more to do with the situation of the person who hurt them than with themselves. This realization leads to relief and paves the way back to self-love.
  2. The feeling wants to be lived: As explained at the beginning, suppressing the pain leads to internal blockages. These often accompany us for a lifetime. Even though the injury was years ago, we just can't get rid of the painful memory. Hence, it is advisable that we act out the hurt. This is the only way for the accumulated negative energy to escape. Another way to give room to your injury is to talk to someone you trust. It is not for nothing that they say that a suffering shared is a suffering halved.
  3. Being vulnerable is a strength: Showing yourself vulnerable is a risk. But if we don't take this risk, we are denied many wonderful opportunities in life. The one who exposes himself to a situation in which he could be injured shows courage. For example, when he confesses his love to someone or when he admits to others that he needs help. This is precisely why vulnerability is a strength that sometimes hits us with full force, but often gives us the happiest moments of our lives.